“Hey, just dropping in to wish you good luck meeting Tony’s mom,” Bree poked her head in and smiled at me. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my old, worn out vans—the only shoes that I had here with me. I looked up at her and smiled, feeling anxious, though. Her face softened and she walked further in, making sure nobody was around before she closed the door behind her.

“Hey,” she touched the side of my face lightly. “It’s going to be okay,” she reassured.

I nodded. “Yeah, I know,” I said with a sigh. “Thanks,” I smiled, feeling a little more relaxed.

“I have to go now for another session with Candace, but I’ll stop in once the visiting hour is over so you can tell me all about it, alright?” she said sweetly.

“Okay, see you,” I said. She kissed my on the opposite cheek that her hand was on, smiled happily, and left the room again.

I sat in my room for a few minutes before I decided to go to Tony’s room, figuring we would go to the visiting area together.

The day had gone by in a flash—I didn’t get to see Bree too much because she was busy with her new patient, but I got my fair share of her. Unfortunately, I had to see Dr. Crowly a lot today, but I knew that was just because she was trying to clear me for release.


Visiting hours were at night: one hour starting at seven. I was nervous when six-forty-five rolled around—what if Tony’s mom didn’t like me? What if she was afraid of me because of the stereotypes of my condition? What if—

“Stop worrying, Vic,” Tony said, cutting off my thoughts.

“It’s that obvious?” I frowned, and he nodded.

“I already told her all about you, she knows about your illness and is completely okay with it,” he said.

“Oh, alright,” I said lowly—the only problem was that Tony (and now his mother) didn’t know how bad I used to be… how dangerously close to the edge I had been. He didn’t even know about Mike. I was stronger, now, but not that strong. I had no idea what could trigger me, and that fact scared me. But, for some reason, I didn’t want to admit my past to Tony. I didn’t want him to know about Mike and what happened to him.

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, though, right?

“You’ll be fine,” Tony reassured, patting my back. I smiled weakly.

I was unaware of the intense security of this place. All of the patients who had visitors were rallied into a group—we had to stand in a line of pairs, with one guard in the front and one guard in the back. They led us through a series of heavily locked doors—having to swipe a card and punch in a code to pass each one—until we finally reached a large, square room.

I had never left my ward before, now that I thought about it, which was why I had never noticed the heavy security. The only time I went somewhere other than my ward—which included patient rooms, some offices, and a common area—was when I went outside with Bree. I didn’t noticed her swiping a card or punching in a code to get passed the door, but that was probably because my eyes I had closed my eyes as she led me into the courtyard.

They had us sit down at tables—Tony and I going to one together—and a guard stood in all four corners of the room. A few patients had guards standing in three feet proximity of them—probably the patients who were on suicide watch.

There was a buzzing sound, and then one by one people—the people who were visiting—walked in.

I never knew how tight security was, and, honestly, it made me feel like I was in prison.

“Tony! Hijo!” a short, tan woman came in, her eyes full of life and excitement as she spotted Tony. I assumed it was his mother as she opened her arms for her son, and he hugged back happily.

“Hi, mama, this is—”

“You must be Vic! Ah, any friend of Tony’s is a son to me! Come here!” she said happily, opening her arms for a hug that I accepted happily—awkwardly, but happily. She squeezed me gently before releasing me.

“Nice to meet you Mrs… um, Tony, I never asked your last name,” I chuckled awkwardly.

“Perry,” he said.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Perry,” I grinned, and we all took a seat at the table.

“Great to meet you, too, Vic,” she said, a smile never leaving her face. “So, boys, how are you doing?” she asked.

I let Tony answer first. “A lot better, mama. I'm going to make you proud,” he said, and his mother beamed. She then looked at me expectantly for a response.

“I’m a lot better, also,” I said truthfully.

“I’m so happy to hear that,” she smiled broadly. “Vic, you are a very handsome young man,” she said after a moment’s silence.

I blushed. “Thank you,” I said, laughing at Tony’s grimace directed towards his mother.

“Honey,” she looked at me as she spoke, “I hope this doesn’t upset you to ask, but, as a mother,” she clutched her heart, “I have to be sure that I am not depriving another mother from their child,” she said. “What is the situation with your parents?” she asked.

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Perry, thank you. They, um,” I couldn’t figure out the right way to say this. “I guess they kind of abandoned me. I was alone all through high school, but occasionally my brother was there for me,” I began, cursing at myself for bringing up Mike but deciding just to carry on. “He was the only one who cared about me; my parents were basically absent; I don’t really know. But when Mike died, things happened, and they pressured me to come here. I don’t know, I guess I kind of knew I needed to come here which was why I didn’t object, even though I was eighteen at the time and had the ability to make my own decisions. But I let them put me in here and I haven’t seen them since,” I said.

“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry,” she said with a frown, reaching across the table to pat my hand. “And I’m sorry about your brother,” she said, and I noticed that her eyes were watering.

“It’s okay, thank you. I don’t like to talk about it, really,” I said, making sure to sneak that in there so I wasn’t asked about him more.

“I understand, baby. And I also understand that you are nineteen years old so you don’t need your parents’ consent for anything,” she noted, and I nodded.

“Then, good! Now I don’t feel guilty taking you in without talking to them first. I welcome you into our home with open arms,” she said happily.

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Perry. It really means the world to me,” I smiled genuinely at her.

“Of course, Vic, of course,” she patted my hand again, keeping it there and squeezing it gently as she spoke. “Tony tells me about how grateful he is to have you as a friend. So, thank you for being there for my son when he needed someone,” she said.

“No need to thank me, Mrs. Perry. I needed Tony just as much as he needed me, and I’m happy to call him my friend,” I said, sending a soft smile in Tony’s direction.

The remainder of our hour with Tony’s mom went by unfortunately fast—we talked about random, happy things, along with discussing living arrangements that I was sure made sense to Tony but none to me. I really enjoyed her company, and I really enjoyed her as a motherly figure. It warmed my heart knowing that even this woman whom I’ve only known for an hour cared a lot about my wellbeing, and I couldn’t deny that I really craved a mother.

“It was so great to meet you, Vic,” Mrs. Perry said as we were told that five minutes remained.

“It was great to meet you, too, Mrs. Perry. Thank you for everything,” I said as she hugged me.

“Anytime, Vic. I am excited, and I hope you are released soon,” she said, and I smiled in return.

“I love you, Tony,” Mrs. Perry gripped her son tightly, and I shuffled to the side to give them a little privacy as they said their goodbyes.

“See you boys soon,” she waved happily as all of the visitors were escorted out. I immediately pulled Tony into a grateful hug, thanking him over and over and over again for what he was doing for me.

“You’re welcome, Vic. But it’s really nothing; it’s for me, too. I need ya around,” he said lowly and awkwardly. I smiled, giving him another squeeze before pulling away.

We were then led back to our wards—again, the entire process felt like we were in prison. That was probably for the better, though, because I was quickly reminded at how precarious this place could get as a girl with light pink hair screamed and cried in the hallway, punching everything within a three foot radius of her flailing extremities. I watched wide-eyed as the girl thrashed around violently, hitting walls and crying out in pain as she did so, but not stopping nonetheless. Guards immediately rushed to her, somehow finding away to pin her down. I looked away, not wanting to watch how they dealt with her.

Yes, maybe the heavy security was for the best—they didn’t want anyone sick like that to get out of the building without being cleared.

I unfortunately realized that this scene was happening down the hall of my room, so when I slipped into my room I still heard her screaming. I sighed, wishing that I had music to block out the noise, but knowing that it was too late to go back to Tony’s to use his iPod.

Eventually, though, the screaming stopped. My ears buzzed a little, but soon enough everything was quiet. It was only about eight thirty, so I knew it was probably too early to go to sleep, but I was suddenly very tired.

That was when I realized that Dr. Crowly didn’t drop off my evening pills, yet, and I suddenly shook with worry. I needed to take them before nine o’clock; otherwise everything would be messed up. And I really did not want to ruin my progress.

I jumped up and raced out of my room, deciding to get my pills from Dr. Crowly myself.

“Oh, sorry!” I apologized when I ran into someone. “Shoot, sorry, Bree,” I said again when I realized I had nearly knocked her over.

“It’s alright, Vic,” she chuckled. “Where are you in a hurry to?” she asked curiously. I noticed that her eyes were red, but I chose not to ask about it as I had more pressing matters on my mind.

“Dr. Crowly never dropped off my pills. I need to go get them,” I said, not being able to mask the worry in my tone.

“Oh, no,” she said quietly. “Did she give them to you this morning?” she asked.

“Yeah, she did. And she’s been nearly breathing down my neck all day,” I said with a frown.

“Okay, come on, we’ll get this sorted out. I don’t care how professional and official she thinks she is… Dr. Crowly is a shit doctor if she forgets the most important thing,” Bree muttered, and I nodded, agreeing.

We walked down the hallway together towards Dr. Crowly’s office. “It’s good that you remembered, Vic. It shows that you will be responsible enough on your own,” she said after a few quiet moments of walking.

“Yeah, that’s true, actually,” I realized with a smile. I was so paranoid about missing medication that I knew I would be okay on my own. Plus, I would have Tony and his mother to remind me, if necessary.

“Alrighty, here we are,” Bree sighed as we got to Dr. Crowly’s office.

“Dr. Crowly?” I knocked.

“One moment!” she said from inside, and I frowned. Bree furrowed her eyebrows at the door.

We waited an entire minute until the door swung open, revealing a tired and slightly irritated looking Dr. Crowly.

“How may I help you?” she asked.

I couldn’t wipe off the glare from my features, and neither could Bree. “I’ve come to pick up my medication,” I said, and Dr. Crowly’s slit of eyes widened into circles.

“Hold on,” she said, rushing inside and returning back with the two pill bottles.

I looked at Bree curiously, who looked similarly confused with Dr. Crowly’s behavior.

“I am very sorry about that, Vic. Today was a very busy today and I completely forgot,” she admitted as she got out the proper dosage of the various pills I took.

At this point, any hope of filtering my tone with Dr. Crowly vanished. “Gee, thanks,” I accepted the pills sourly. “Luckily I remembered before something bad happened,” I frowned as I took the pills with a cup of water she gave me. I never enjoyed the way she or Bree or another nurse had to deliver my pills to me, because it made me feel like a two year old, but it was also mandatory.

“I am truly sorry, Vic. I got held up dealing with Candace, but this was unacceptable, and I apologize,” she said, and I shrugged my shoulders. I glanced at Bree when she mentioned “Candace”, wondering if she was referring to the same girl Bree had sessions with. Bree just shook her head, telling me that she would tell me later.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just, y’know, don’t do it again? I like feeling sane,” I said, knowing well enough to not bite the hand that fed me—er, the hand that medicated me.

Dr. Crowly smiled weakly. “Of course. Sorry, again,” she said, and then she smiled again, closing the door on us.

“Damn,” Bree breathed.

“Damn is right,” I huffed, turning away from the office.

“You were nice to her,” Bree pointed out, and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I guess I should have been less forgiving,” I scrunched my mouth up.

“No, it was good. I’m glad you were nice. I, on the other hand, wanted to rip her fucking head off,” Bree admitted, causing me to laugh. “What? It could have been really bad if you didn’t get them,” she said as we walked back into my room.

“Yeah, that’s true. It sucks, though,” I sighed.

“What does?” she asked. I sat down on the bed, and Bree sat down next to me.

I sighed again. “I feel so good, y’know? But then I remember that it could all be thrown away if I miss medication. It’s kind of scary, and I wish I could just be normal without having to rely on pills,” I said with a frown.

Bree sighed. “Come here,” she said softly. She wrapped her right arm around me and pulled me down. I brought my legs up onto the bed, curling up and resting my head on her lap, and she began to mindlessly stroke my hair.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked.

“Of course you can,” I said, adjusting my position so I was lying facing up on my back so I could see her face. She rested one hand by collarbone and another on the side of my face casually as she spoke.

“I know how much it sucks to have to rely on medication to feel normal, and I couldn’t tell you one person who doesn’t mind it, to be honest. Including myself,” she said quietly.

“Yourself?” I whispered, and she nodded.

“Yes. I don’t know if this helps to know, but I used to take anti-depressants. And, for a while, I became really dependent—too dependent—on anti-anxiety pills,” she said. I furrowed my eyebrows—Bree didn’t seem like a depressed person, or like a person who abused drugs. “I don’t use them anymore, granted, so my situation is a tad different from yours, but the point is that I know what you mean about not liking to be reliant on pills.”

“Oh, Bree,” I said quietly, not knowing what to say—I was glad she was okay now, though.

“So, yes, it sucks knowing that you have to use pills consistently, but at least they work, right? Sometimes, people with illnesses are unlucky and never find a good match. But you’re lucky, and I was lucky, too, because what we use works. And we are happy. We need a little extra to help us, but it’s better than being miserable—as long as you use them the right way and don’t over do it,” she said. “And it can be scary sometimes, but imagine how terrible it must feel for people who don’t have anything to help them,” she said. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but we have to try and see the light of the situation, no matter how much of a bummer it is,” she said, and I smiled because I loved how Bree was able to make me feel better—she always seemed to know what to say.

“And you can’t help it. I can’t help it either. It’s just the way our brains are wired,” she said, leaning down and kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes at the contact, a smile on my face. Bree was right; it sucked having to rely on meds, but at least we had something to control the way our brains rebelled against our bodies.

“Thanks for telling me,” I said quietly, sitting up and wrapping her into a hug.

“I just thought you should know, since I practically know everything about you,” she said.

“Yeah, that’s true! Not fair,” I pouted, and she laughed lightly. “But you’re, um, all good, now?” I asked, referring to her before mentioned conditions.

“Yes, I’m good now. I haven’t taken any of my pills for three years, now,” she smiled proudly. I wondered if I would ever reach a point in my life where I wouldn’t need to take pills—I doubted it. My depression ones, maybe, but apparently there was no way to cure schizophrenia—you could only control it—so it would stay with me forever, making the pills necessary. I had a long and infinite road ahead of me.

“That’s great, Bree,” I said.

“That’s why I’m here. Mental disorders are actually common in my family for some reason, so I do this for them, too. I wanted to help people similar to me, so that’s why I’m studying to be a psychiatrist,” she explained.

“Well, you do a pretty damn good job,” I told her.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“Um, Bree?”

“Mhm?”

“I probably seem annoying to you, but I couldn’t help but notice earlier that it looked like you had been crying and—”

“You’re not annoying me, don’t worry,” she cut me off once she realized what I was talking about. “And, it was a rough session with Candace, today. And, yes, the same Candace Dr. Crowly referred to. It just really got to me,” she sighed with a slight frown.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, cupping her cheek.

“It’s okay. I just feel really bad for her, and it upset me,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“What? Therapists can get personal with patients? Unheard of,” I said sarcastically, and she rolled her eyes, nudging me. Her eyes looked silently thankful that I changed the mood to a happier one.

“Shut up,” she laughed. “So, tell me more about the visit with Tony’s mom!”

“It was really nice. It was really, really nice to talk to someone on the outside. Like, I didn’t realize until the visit how much of a prison this place is,” I frowned. “I also didn’t realize how much I missed having a mother,” I added quietly. I didn’t know if she heard me, though, before I spoke again louder: “And I can’t wait to get out of here; Tony gets released in two days,” I said.

“You’ll be out of here very soon, too. By the end of the week, I bet!” she said happily.

I felt happy at first, too, but then I frowned when I realized what that meant. “I won’t get to see you as much,” I said quietly.

“You can’t think like that, Vic. I’d rather you be out of here and healthy,” she said.

“I know, but still… I’ll be all the way in San Diego with Tony, while you are here in Los Angeles,” I said.

She frowned. “I know…” she said sadly. “We’ll figure something out, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, knowing that there was nothing I could do about it yet, anyway. I just had to enjoy the time I had with her now, but I also had to make sure I didn’t get side tracked from my recovery—as much as I wanted to be with her, I also wanted to get better. I wanted to be able to live a “normal” life again.

And I wanted to do this not for me anymore, but for her. She was now my reason to get up everyday and try my hardest to be healthy.

I brushed my thumb across her cheekbone, smiling softly at her. My chest tightened in a good way as I looked at her with absolute adoration in my eyes; even though the status of our relationship was fairly new, the feelings I felt for her were old, having been developing the past month—the countless hours I spent just talking with her. I didn’t realize until now how much I had longed to be with her like this. And I knew this was the same for her—I knew this because she had told me earlier that she has “felt this way” for me “a little while, now.” I had been itching to kiss her and hold her for so long, and it was incredible knowing that she wanted that, too. It was funny how life worked sometimes; we mutually liked each other without even knowing, until now. Even in my darkest days, Bree liked me—Bree felt something extra for me, like I felt something extra for her. So, maybe I was a little more normal than I thought.

On paper, in the rulebooks, this was wrong. But, like she said the other day, fuck the rules—she was a girl and I was a boy. We were both humans. We were both individuals, and we both happened to have problems—either in our past or present.

Bree spoke again regarding the fact that we were going to separate soon, a soft smile dancing across her face. “Well, until then…” she began, her face moving closer and closer to mine. I smiled as our lips brushed, and then my insides melted as soon as the sweet, soft skin of hers meshed into mine.

She was a girl and I was a boy.

We were both humans.

We were both individuals.

This wasn’t wrong; this was right.

Bree was the only thing in my life that was right. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but she was also the only thing that was keeping me alive.

Notes

Hello guys :)
So, I had most of this written before I announced my mini hiatus from writing, and I had some spare time (Hey, I can't torture myself with school work all day... AKA I sort of gave up and said fuck it but same difference idek) so I decided to not let this rot on my computer and post it for y'all! Thanks a lot for being patient, even though it's only been like 2 days, but after I update this I literally have to get down to business. I just love all of you too much to leave you hanging for so long. Except this one is still kind of a filler, so I apologize for that.

But, I mean, there's still some probing stuff in there:
--What's Dr. Crowly's dealio? I never really intended to portray her as "bad", but the more I write the worse she becomes. hahaha.
--Seems like Bree has some history, as well--what is her full story? Including her beat up face, her previous illnesses, her very vaguely mentioned medication abuse?
--And why do you think Candace's outburst affected Bree so much?
--And how do you feel about Vic omitting what happened with Mike to the Perry's?

Shit I have so much planned for this story it's not even funny

---

Okay I have a request for all of you kind readers:
Would you guys please check out my girl Fuentits's stories and one-shots? She is a beast and her creativity and talent needs to be shared with the world. Most of the one-shots you read on here are fluffy smut pieces (which are great) but hers are very different--she's such a nice, genuine person, and all of her one-shots are really great and inspirati
onal and most of all have so much meaning. She's a really grea-t person, and she's always there for others. I especially advise you to check out the one-shot called Darling You'll Be Okay if you need anything super inspirational and awesome that one is my favorite (okay I'm a little bias but still). And then there's LIttle Lady which is a story of hers that I'm literally always fangirling over--it's so different. That's what Scarlett is--she's so original (also A Million Kisses Underwater will have you flippin') and awesome and I just asdfghjkjhgfdg she deserves the world
SO I'LL END MY LITTLE CALM YET FANGIRLING RANT NOW JUST CHECK OUT HER STUFF OKAY? OKAY! THANK YOU.

Welp, I apologize for the insanely long note! But, hey, at least I updated again :P

Now to resume my school work... *cries*

talk to ya again in like three days
x