“I don’t know how you do it, man,” Tony sighed, sinking into the couch in the common area.

“Do what?” I asked, my voice distant.

“Be here all of the time. I’ve barely been here forty-eight hours and it already blows,” he groaned.

“In all honesty I don’t even remember the first few months I was here,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “It’s not that bad,” I added quietly while I absentmindedly picked the frayed ends of my sweatshirt—especially since I’d rather be here than my own house and school. Tony’s face softened a little, as if he could read my mind.

“Hey, um, I have a question,” Tony said tentatively.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Well, um, I’d have to ask my mom first, and it’s up to you, but…” his voice trailed off and he looked down, his voice low and his eyes gazing at the floor.

“Go on,” I encouraged.

“Er, I don’t know if this is an awkward thing to ask, but… believe it or not, what you said to me yesterday was really helpful and I feel a lot better knowing I have a friend here,” he began. He looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine, appearing to be asking for permission to continue. I smiled softly with a nod, glad to see that I have made a friend. The first real friend of my life…

“…And, I don’t know, I was thinking… if you needed help or anything, maybe once I get out of here, maybe once you get out of here, maybe my family and I can take you in. And we can just kind of watch over each other, and chill and stuff,” he rambled a little and then took a breath, and, before I could say anything, he continued talking. “I don’t know; I’ve never really had any friends. It’s just me, my mom, and my sister. I guess I’m just lonely a lot at home, so having a friend around would be nice. And also it would help you, since, y’know, I don’t know,” he said, his voice low, and he ducked his head again.

I didn’t really know what to say—I was literally speechless. “It's okay, you don’t have to answer right away. I just was thinking it would benefit both of us. I don’t know if your parents would let you, or whatever…” he trailed his voice, his hands fidgeting.

“Thanks, Tony,” was all I managed to say because my throat was tightening up. I smiled weakly at him and got up, giving him a hug. I wasn’t particularly confident that I would be getting out of here anytime soon, but the offer warmed my heart. It made me feel like someone actually wanted me…

At that thought, my mind wandered to Bree. It’s been two entire days since she has been in. I have had to endure sessions with Dr. Crowly, and, even though the new medication was definitely working so far, I was still feeling down. I didn’t want to tell Dr. Crowly why, though. She wouldn’t understand…

Dr. Crowly was acting like nothing was wrong, too, which made me feel even worse. I tried not to be too persistent, but the few times I’ve asked about Bree’s location, she simply dismissed me. I was confused, hurt, and, honestly, a little angry.

“Vic, are you okay?” Tony asked. I shook my head, realizing that I had zoned out.

“Yeah, I guess,” I mumbled.

“It’s not good to bottle up how you are feeling. That’s what Rob tells me, anyway,” Tony said.

“I, uh,” I shook my head again. “It’s nothing,” I said quietly. It was wrong for me to feel so attached to Bree, anyway. It wasn’t supposed work like that.

It still sucked, though.

“Come on,” Tony stood up, grabbing my arm.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“Somewhere else,” Tony said. He dragged me out of the common room and into my room.

“Tony, you’re not allowed to be unsupervised—” I started to remind him, but Tony just shrugged his shoulders and closed the door.

“What are they actually going to do?” he asked rhetorically. “Now, tell me what you are feeling. None of this therapist shit. Just talk to me. Like a friend,” he said. The two days I’ve known Tony, I haven’t seen him look this determined—it shocked me.

His gritty yet caring tone shocked me so much that I couldn’t stop myself from breaking out into tears.

“Aw, shit, man, I didn't—”

“No, no, no, it wasn’t you,” I sniffled, embarrassed for crying. “It’s stupid,” I said lowly.

“Just tell me. It’s not stupid,” he said.

“I just feel… I just feel so…”

“How do you feel, Vic?”

“That’s the problem, Tony. I don’t really know. I’m so confused,” I frowned. I was so used to not feeling anything, but now I felt so many things at once. It was overwhelming.

Well, it was more like I felt one thing, but this feeling itself confused me. I knew it was wrong; I knew that it was unrequited; I just didn’t know what to do with myself, and I could hardly admit it in my own thoughts, let alone admit it out loud.

“What are you confused about?”

I sighed. If there was one thing I learned with Bree, it was that talking, ultimately, made me feel better.

It was like I was lying face up on the ground with a thousand bricks stacked on my chest, constricting my lungs, putting my vital organs under stress, weighing me down to the point where I couldn’t breath, see, or even think properly. But the second I opened my mouth, one by one by on the bricks fell off, relieving the powerful and painful pressure. And even though the process hurt, I always felt better in the end.

“I’m confused about my feelings,” I began. Tony furrowed his eyebrows at my words, but he allowed me to continue. “The past few months I’ve felt nothing but pain and guilt and terror. I’d have embarrassing fits that I sometimes couldn't even remember, I’d have horrific nightmares, I’d go through entire days without being able to stop shaking. But now,” I held up my hand horizontally, showing Tony my mostly steady fingers, “I barely shake. That should be good, right? I don't have nightmares as badly, I had one last bad episode, but they changed my medication and now I feel great in the schizophrenia department. Up until a few days ago, I nearly instantly felt amazing. Like, one day I was shuddering, curled up in a ball in terror and pain, but literally the next I was smiling, almost ready to take on the world.

But, I realized how easily my moods can change. Because today I feel empty and hopeless. And this confuses me because I have recently turned things around, and I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way…” I sighed. “No, let me rephrase that. I have been doing better for a specific reason, but I’ve also been feeling bad—specifically today—for that same reason. And that is what confuses me… because I know it’s wrong…” I trailed off, biting my lip.

“What is the reason?”

“It’s not what… it’s who…” I said. After a long pause, I continued, closing my eyes as I spoke. “It’s Bree,” I said quietly. “She made me feel so… happy to be alive. And the other day, when I met you, I felt almost on top of the world. I had her, and then I made a friend. I had woken up for the first time without a single nightmare. I was excited, I was hopeful,” I said dreamily. Then, though, my expression changed, my face twisting in a fury of negative emotions. “But then she doesn’t show up, and I feel sad again. Abandoned. Like, she said all of these great and inspiring things—she even made me feel wanted and like she personally cared for me—but then she left without another word… it’s been two days. I didn’t realize how much I depended on her until she was gone. I feel selfish saying this, but I apparently need her. And this confuses me, because we aren’t supposed to be attached to our god damn psychiatrists,” I concluded.

Tony sat there quietly for a few moments, looking like he was thinking. “Vic,” Tony said, and I stared at him incredulously when he let out a short chuckle. “What you’re feeling isn’t bad, at all!” he exclaimed. I waited for him to continue, confused at his sudden enthusiasm. Tony wasn’t a very enthusiastic person, and this definitely was not an enthusiast topic. “Your medication is working—you aren’t seeing things you aren’t supposed to. Vic, I think… I think you like Bree,” he said, his tone serious at the end.

“Of course I like her,” I said.

“No, dude, like, you have a crush on her,” he corrected, and I immediately felt my cheeks grow hot. “The medication is doing the trick, obviously, but you’re feeling down because the girl you ‘like like’ left without any notice. You miss her!” Tony said.

“Oh,” I said quietly, scrunching my mouth. “I guess you’re right,” I added softly, thinking about all of the times I silently admired her beauty, the times I marveled over her kindness, the times I clutched onto her in desperation and never really wanted to let go... “Well, fuck, what am I supposed to do, now?” I asked with a frown.

“I say you tell her,” Tony said.

“That’s impossible,” I said lowly.

“What do you have to lose?” he challenged.

“Um, my sanity,” I raised an eyebrow at him.

He sighed. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“Besides, something’s happened to her. Either that, or she was sick of this place, or sick of me…” I added, frowning at that thought. I didn’t know what was worse… if she left me intentionally, or if she left me by accident…

Or maybe she was just sick, and Dr. Crowly somehow forgot to mention it.

A smirk suddenly played across Tony’s lips—I was surprised because I never knew that Tony could be so animated.

“What?” I asked.

Tony leaned in closer to me, bringing his voice down to a low whisper. “I don’t think you’ll have to wait long,” he said, and I noticed that his eyes weren’t looking at me, but past me.

I turned around, my heart suddenly being the only thing I could hear when I saw Bree standing in my doorway, her hair covering half of her face, but a soft smile spread across her lips.

“Bree,” I said quietly, trying my best not to sound too star struck.

I turned back to Tony, my eyes wide. I hoped he could read the questions in my eyes: how much of that conversation did she hear? How long has she been standing there?

Tony shook his head and gave me an encouraging smile—meaning that she didn’t hear a thing. Tony probably would have stopped me from talking if he saw her standing there, so I didn’t fret. Instead, I stood up and did what felt natural.

I walked over to her and immediately pulled her in to an embrace. She squeezed me gently before pulling away. “Hi, Vic,” she said quietly. I had this sudden desire to move the hair that was spread across the right side of her face, but I decided against it. That would have seemed weird to her, probably.

“Um, this is Tony, my new friend,” I introduced her to Tony.

“Nice to meet you, Tony,” she smiled, and Tony stood up, smiling in return.

“Nice to meet you, too. I have to go, though…” Tony added, his face flickering in worry at the fact that he sort of ran away from the nurses that were supposed to be watching him at all times. I probably was going to get in trouble for that, too, but I didn’t really care.

“See ya, Tone,” I waved, and then he left.

“Bree…” I began, my tone sad.

“Vic, I’m so sorry that I was gone. I never planned on it, at all, and I never wanted to let you down. I was supposed to be there for you, but… but something came up that I couldn’t control, and I’m so sorry,” she said. She looked genuinely upset that this happened, that she left me the minute I was taking a turn for the better—I didn’t want her to be upset over leaving me, though. She had her own life, her own problems to deal with. I couldn’t be selfish.

“It’s okay,” I said—I didn’t want her to know how upset it actually made me… she wasn’t mine, I had no claim over her… she was just my therapist, and I was just her patient. That’s how it was supposed to be, anyway.

“No, it’s not. I should have called Dr. Crowly, but it was the last thing on my mind, at the time,” she said shamefully. I hated to hear that I was the last thing on her mind, but I figured there must have been a good reason behind her absence.

“What happened?” I asked quietly. I knew it was wrong to ask about her personal life, but if she wasn’t gone intentionally, then something must have happened, right?

She bit her lip and then sighed. “I, er, it was a family emergency. I’m really sorry,” she said, her eyes sparkling with truth. Well, her left eye was. Her right one was in shadow because her lush, dark brown hair swooped down her face.

I thought back to the time when I was just starting to acquaint myself with Bree… when I was basically at the beginning of my story. I had been looking down lowly, my hair messily framing my face, my side bangs covering my features. I remember her specifically saying not to cover my face like that. So, I couldn’t help but reverse the sentence on her.

“Bree, don’t cover your face like that. You have a very pretty face,” I said, my voice quiet, yet strangely confident—I guess because these were essentially her own words, so I knew it was okay.

Bree smiled, but her smile was sad, and almost painful. “You’re a sweetheart,” she said with a light sigh. I heard her mutter something under her breath, something along the lines of: “…can’t hide it forever…”, and then she tucked her hair behind her ear.

My jaw dropped at the sight of the right side of her face. Her normally soft and gentle cheekbone was purple and yellow. Her right eye was swollen and black, and she had a small scratch on the side of her brow bone.

At this point, I didn’t care about any boundaries in our relationship; they just simply did not exist in this moment. I tenderly brought my left hand up to her face, lightly tracing her bruise, a frown overtaking my features. “What the hell happened?” I asked.

Bree smiled, pain in her features again. She put her right hand over my left, bringing it down from the side of her face. I was sad when she let go, my now lonely hand dropping and hitting my thigh. “Let’s not talk about it, okay?” she suggested. I noticed that her eyes were now sparkling more than ever, but then I realized that was because they were watering. I nodded; I didn’t want to see her sad. “I’m back now, and I promise I won’t leave you like that again.”

Notes

AaawwWwww guysssss, Vickypoo has a crush :)
What is this going to mean for the rest of the story? How will he deal with his newly admitted feelings?
Ugh, what would he do without Tony, honestly?

Oh, and, most important of all: wtf is up with bree??

Don't forget to comment, rate, and subscribe! <3

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OOh, and check this out! Little Lady by my buddy Fuentits-- she is very talented and this is an incredibly different story that will leave you flabbergasted and begging for more :)