“One more week!” I squealed in excitement as I returned from college for the day. My sister and her boyfriend were on the couch, like always.

“Chill.” Alex, my sister, shook her head at me and I beamed at her.

“We’re going to finally see them! I’ve been waiting for almost three years for this. Aren’t you excited in the slightest?” I sat on the floor and toed my shoes off.

“Of course we are. I’m paying for you bloody travel to get there.” Evan replied. My sister’s boyfriend was from Manchester and very rarely went home. He stayed for a month and then went home for a week.

“I’ve said thank you.”

“Yeah, just make sure you don’t rape them.”

“Hah, she’d be lucky. They’d take one look at her and then run away.” Alex laughed at me and I smiled back at her even though my stomach was clenching badly. She didn’t realise how much her words hurt me. I stood and hoisted my bag over my shoulder before trudging up the stairs.
I passed though my younger brother’s bedroom and entered my bedroom before sliding the lock across. Even though it was only four in the afternoon I drew the curtains closed and flicked my stereo to The Great Hendowski by Of Mice & Men.

I picked up a small framed photo of concert pictures and popped the back off it. The little blades shone brightly in the light of my room as I chose one of the tiny razor blades. I pulled a baby wipe from the packet they were nestled in and pushed my jeans down to my ankles as I sat on my bed.

My heart was pounding and I was sweating. I knew I’d feel so much better after though. I took a deep breath and leant over my thighs with the tiny blade between my thumb and forefinger. My breath hitched as a single tear slid down my cheek.

I hated myself that I relied on doing this and promised my sister that I would never do it again but it just felt too good to stop. My hand shook as I took the first swipe across my already abused flesh. Blood trickled from the little gash and I felt horrible for a second before it disappeared and I felt numb.

I done another and my tears splattered the blood across my thighs. The new cuts would take a longer while to heal because they were deeper. My tears were flowing and I couldn’t stop them. I hated myself. I hated everything about me.

“Taylor!” my mother’s voice burst through my numbness and I looked down at the bloody mess that was my thigh. I tossed the blade onto the table in front of me and wiped the baby wipe over the cuts. I hissed in pain as the cool wipe swiped at the blood.

“I’ll be down in a minute!” I shouted back and looked at my thighs. The blood wasn’t stopping. I sighed and stood before pulling my black jeans back up and placing the blade back in its hiding place and the baby wipe at the bottom of the bin.

My legs shook as I stood and I had to grab the side of the table for support before I could venture enough strength to go down the stairs.

“Yeah?”

“Your tea is done.”

I then looked at the clock and realised almost forty minutes passed since I started. I smiled and took the meal before going upstairs. I ate the meal without really tasting it before daring to change into pyjamas.

The blood was still oozing from the cuts but it wasn’t as bad now. I opened my cupboard and took out a strip of plaster and cut it into individual plasters before placing them over my thighs. My arms were clear of cuts because I couldn’t hide them that well. If they were on my thighs then no one would see them. It’s not like I had boys rushing to take my clothes off.

I took my plate down and that was the last my family would see me for the night. The next week passed in a blur. I cut myself almost every night and my thighs were in so much pain the Wednesday we were due to go see my favourite band live.

The bad thing was I’d started cutting the bottom of my legs, my stomach and my upper arms. I tried to stop, I really did but I just didn’t have the strength. I waved goodbye to my parent and I, Alex and Evan all ventured to the train station. We were seeing Of Mice & Men in London and it would take four hours to get there. Not to mention we were going to be there five hours before the concert actually started.

When we arrived at the venue I sat with my back to the glass door. My whole body was in pain but I ignored it because I was finally going to see my heroes live. By the time seven rolled around my stomach was jittering and I was near on tears because I was so excited.
We were actually at the front. I wrapped my hands around the metal barrier and held my camera up. The security guard frowned at me but didn’t say anything about it. I smiled gratefully at him before snapping quick pictures of the stage.

“Now listen up I’ll say a thing or two, I bet I know something about you.” I joined the thousands of thousands of fans beside and behind me as we screamed the lyrics along with Austin Carlile. The man was my idea of perfect. He had short brown hair, the most beautiful shade of chocolate brown eyes and he had tattoos covering from his throat to his fingers, except for one arm which was left clean.

His face was kind of chubby looking but I loved him. He always looked so happy to be performing. Before I knew it they were singing the last song. The one that always made me sad.

“This is not what it is only baby scars. I need your love like a boy needs his mother’s side.” By the time he’d finished the song I was crying and the tears duplicated the ones on his cheeks too. Our train wasn’t due to leave for another two hours so I, Alex and Evan headed to the merch stand.

My heart pounded in my chest as I saw Alan Ashby behind the stand. He smiled at everyone and I ran from my sister and her boyfriend to the merch stand. I took my copy of their CD from my bag and grinned at him.

“What can I do for you?” he asked with a huge grin on his face. You could tell he loved what he was doing.

“Can you sign this please?” I whispered and handed the CD case over to him. He grinned wider and used a sharpie to sign quickly before passing it down the line. I didn’t realise the whole band were there before I ended up face-to-face with Austin.

“Hey, little lady.” He smiled at me and I smiled shyly back. “What are these?”

I actually felt sick to my stomach as he touched some of the fresher cuts on my upper arm. It was then I realised my shirt sleeve had rode up. I hissed as he touched an especially painful one. I yanked my arm back and covered the cuts before licking my suddenly dry lips.

“I…I need to…” I stuttered as I caught my sister’s glare from further down the merch stand. She loved Of Mice & Men but nowhere near as much as I did. I knew she’d just picked up that I’d be hurting myself again.

“Why don’t you come with me?” Austin asked and I looked at his outstretched palm. He slipped my CD back into my bag before he reached down and clasped my hand. “Tell your friends they can come too.”

They must have heard because they followed us to the back. Somehow the rest of the band was already in the back of the stage and they entertained Alex and Evan when Austin led me to a bathroom off to the side.

“Roll your sleeve up for me.” He said as he opened a cupboard and pulled out antiseptic wash, plasters and bandages.

“I…” I bit my lip as tears spilled from eyes. I looked down at my clenched hands and wiped them away. I was finally meeting my heroes and he had to see the worst part of me. I knew I wasn’t pretty and I was far from skinny.

With black shoulder length hair and brown eyes I was just ordinary. I’d gotten my lip pierced on my seventeenth birthday and my ears were stretched to 12mm but other than that I was plain and overweight. I was size 16 and I knew every single pound was visible.

“What’s your name?” Austin asked as he gently pushed me to sit on the closed toilet seat.

“T…Taylor…” I whispered and took the piece of tissue he offered me before wiping my eyes with it. He smiled at me before gently rolling the sleeve of my t shirt up. I couldn’t look at him as he gasped at the raw flesh on my arm. If only he knew they weren’t the worst ones.

“Why?”

I refused to answer him and he frowned at me before he gently dabbed one of the cuts with antiseptic. I whimpered and he whispered sorry to me. He didn’t look up until he’d finished cleaning and bandaging each of my arms.

Notes

Title Cred : Mayday Parade


Ugh, such a bad today. Probably updating a lot. If that is alright. Make sure you comment. I need to know how I'm doing. Send me imagines and I'll try and get them into the story along the way! :D