No, no, no, no, no! I screamed tearing at my hair. I had no idea where I was, all I could see from my blue eyes—that were partially blinded by tears—was white. White everywhere. Ceiling, floor, walls, all white. It was all light, nothing in sight. But I was used to the concept of nothing. Feeling like nothing, being nothing.

I can't anymore, I just can't—I thought as I dropped to my knees, trying to hold in my tears because I knew if I let myself cry I was going to snap and breakdown...or just break in general. My eyes stung from unshed tears and my chest ached in an indescribable way—I couldn't even compare it to anything because it was something I'd never felt before.

Pain. I'd felt pain beyond belief, emotional pain, mental pain, physical pain. Nothing compared to right now though, not even close.

I leaned forward so my torso curved over my thighs and I put my forehead against the floor, along with my arms. That's when the sobbing started, hysterical tears poured from my eyes, like an overflowing cup.

I didn't ask for this, I don't want it, take it fucking back. I screamed internally. That was my problem, I always learned to hold the things I wanted to say, letting them sit heavily in my chest and turn my happiness bitter until eventually I forgot how to feel.

That sounds like bliss, doesn't it? Not being able to feel. At least you don't feel the bad things, right? But you don't feel the good things either. And that's all I began to crave, I craved to feel again.

And I did for a while, in a twisted kind of way.

But it's no longer enough....

"I can't do this anymore! I don't have energy to fight this shit anymore!" I screamed turning my head to the sky and cursing the God I didn't even believe existed anymore.

All of a sudden, someone clapped. In that sarcastic way people do when they’re not actually applauding for whatever they’re seeing. My head snapped up, looking for the source, but I came up empty handed.

“Nice performance, Clara. You always did have a flair for the dramatic” the mysterious voice laughed menacingly. How did this person know my name, know me? I looked left and right, scanning my surroundings, but all I saw was light, light everywhere, no figure, no silhouette, nothing but fucking light.

“Who is that?” I asked timidly, intimidated by the fact someone could see me and I couldn’t see them. Footsteps sounded harshly on the floor, echoing off of the bright white walls, they were slow steps, painfully slow and I wondered when—or if—I'd come face to face with the person.

“I’m your worst nightmare, honey” the voice replied and I shuddered, my heart began to pound and bile rose in my throat—where am I? What is going on? I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly, convinced that when I opened them again I'd be in bed (the last place I remembered being before here) and my life would still be miserable but at least it would make sense—slightly.

A person began to appear as the footsteps became louder. As the person got closer, I analysed her appearance, jet black hair to her waist, jet black eyes—smeared in eyeliner—lips that were up turned into a snarl, a tight leather dress and long thigh-high leather boots. Who the fuck was she?

“Who the fuck are you?” I cocked an eyebrow, feeling a little more confident—or at least trying to appear so. In one swift movement my head was knocked to the side from the force of a slap. Fuck that hurt!

"I represent the devil bitch, show some respect" she snarled, flashing her sharp pearl white teeth. I cowered backwards, wanting to be as far away from the devil representing psychopath as possible. "Get up" she yelled breaking the few seconds of comforting silence "You heard me, get the fuck up" I looked up at her, pleading with my eyes for her not to hurt me, after all what the fuck did I do to deserve it?

"Get away from her" a different voice sounded from the far corner—if this place even had any damn corners—both of us snapped our heads in the strangers direction, my face full of fear and the Dark Angel's face full of anger.

A man, with tan mexican skin and brown hair to his shoulders stepped forward from the light, his attire consisted of all white, making him look strangely angel like. I wanted to laugh at the idiocy of this whole situation—dark angels, tanned men wearing white, what the fuck was happening?

He walked quickly to me, his eyes never leaving me. Upon reaching me he knelt down to my level and softly wiped away the tear resting on my cheek, I kept my eyes on the ground, scared to look at the Mexican stranger—I hadn't even realized I was crying.

I couldn't resist any longer, I had to look up at him, I quickly peeked through my lashes and his gorgeous brown eyes pulled me in, I raised my head and took in his features, his long wavy hair, clear tan complexion, a silver ring delicately decorating his nose and his full lips that were turned into a painful frown—I wondered what he saw in my eyes that made him look so upset.

We just looked at each other for a few moments, silently wondering about the other, then finally he held out his hand, I hesitated, unsure whether I could trust his motives but for once I didn't over think anything, I just placed my hand in his not actually sure what he was going to do, but he answered my internal question by rising to his feet, gently helping me up. I didn't know if my legs would support me—but they did.

"Don't cry" he whispered softly tilting my chin up so I was looking him straight in the face, he brushed his fingertips over my cheek and my skin tingled at his touch.

"Who are you?" I asked almost inaudibly, scared out of my wits.

"My name is Vic. I'm here to help you" I didn't know if I could really believe what he was saying but no alarm bells were sounding in my head, so I risked it and believed him. He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tightly, I didn't know how to respond, do I hug back? "Darling, you'll be okay" he whispered in my ear and I bit my lip, I didn't know what to believe, would I really be okay? I highly doubted it.

A big cackle filled the air and I cringed away from the sound "If y'all are finished, I'd like to torture this bitch now" she ran her reptile-like tongue along her top lip, fire flashing in her eyes. Vic stepped in front of me protectively and the dark angel snarled her eyes turning a deep dangerous red, she began to circle us, walking slowly, building the anticipation, filling me with fear, making me tense but Vic looked completely calm.

"Vic..." I whispered, scared of talking too loud for god knows what reason.

"I have a friend that I would like to meet you, Clara" the dark angel hissed—still circling us like a predator waiting to pounce—before Vic could answer me. She opened up her palm right in front of my face and the brightness of the room reflective off of the two metal objects in her hand.

One blade. One knife.

I gulped, feeling like the air was way too thin, I felt choked. "Oh wait, judging by your wrists you're already really good friends" she cackled and tears built up once more, I wanted to just drop to my knees, curl up in a ball and disappear forever.

"Go on, take it, it's yours if you want it" she said flicking her tongue out of her mouth and back in again "Drag it across your skin, I dare you" I felt everything slow down, my heart beat, the scene unfolding before me, the only thing that raced was my head—what do I do? The offer was so tempting and it would be so easy to carry out, I wanted to cry I wanted to take one of them but I also wanted to refuse, I was so conflicted, I was so confused.

"Don't" I begged, not wanting to hear it anymore.

"C'mon, how easy would it be, you take the blade, you cut vertically, and you're gone. Just. Like. That" she smiled wickedly, chilling me to the bone. "Life is tiring anyway, right? School, homework, boys, parents that don't understand you, friends that hate you...what's the point in carrying on?" Her words danced in my mind and without wanting to I believed her. My brain felt frazzled, what do I do? I was at a crossroad and I had no idea which way to go...

But I knew what I truly wanted, deep inside I knew and so I reacted.

I reached out instinctively without thinking but a strong arm grabbed mine in the process.

"Just hold on" Vic whispered in my left ear still holding my arm centimetres away from the blade.

"Go on let go" she moved round and whispered in my ear seductively, her tongue flicking lightly against my ear a little.

"It's not your time!" Vic said firmly

"Your time is up!" The dark angel cackled.

"There is so much more" Vic's voice became desperate in my left ear, like he was willing me to carry on, I lowered my arm away from the taunting object.

"You should end it here" she reciprocated and almost like a reflex my arm shot back up towards the blade, wanting it, needing it, craving it.

"You've got your whole life in front of you!" Vic shouted pushing my arm away from my target.

My eyes filled with tears and they uncontrollably fell, rolling down and down, refusing to stop. My head pounded, its all to much, too much thinking, too many decisions.

I don't know, I don't know!

The dark angel wrapped her left arm around my waist and kissed my neck, flicking her tongue along it slowly, manipulatively. "You've got nothing to live for" she purrs softly but it churns my stomach in the most repulsive way.

"There's a reason to live" Vic argued, stepping in front of me, my eyes had glazed over but I still saw him, his features were desperate and twisted in pain, pleading with the rational part inside of my brain that knew what he was saying was right.

She shoved the knife in my face, making sure I couldn't miss the way it sparkled. "So pick up that knife" she urged.

"You just can't give up!" Vic shook me, snapping me out of my subconscious daze. I blinked at him, tears still making their way down my face.

"Put it through your chest!" She demanded, forcefully placing the knife in my hand. I stared at it blankly then looked up at Vic, passing him the knife.

"Please end it. Please end it all" I begged him, not wanting to make the decision myself. My knees instantly gave out and I dropped hopelessly to the floor, my eyes closing all by themselves.

I heard the dark angel say no repeatedly and then a shriek filled the air but I couldn't open my eyes, not even if I wanted to—which I didn't.

I felt someone scoop me up in their arms and begin to walk. I wanted to ask where they were taking me, who they were and what they were going to do with me but my vocal chords failed me. I was on that fine line between consciousness and unconsciousness where you're aware of sounds and movements but you couldn't possibly react externally to any of it.

If I could've reacted, I would have sighed with utter relief when I heard Vic's soothing voice.

"It's going to be okay, Clara. I know you can hear me, I'm going to take you to a good place and let you rest for a while, the sleepless nights and stressful days are taking their toll on you" I would've smiled if I could but I couldn't so instead I silently willed him to keep talking—simply because it made things feel less shit.

"When you're fully rested, you can continue living your life, I won't let you hurt yourself anymore though, I'll watch over you, I'll protect you" his voice was so soothing and I wanted to snuggle closer into the crook of his neck but my body was a dead weight.

"Darling you'll be okay" he repeated his words from earlier.

He continued to keep walking, I could feel the jolty movements, I suddenly realized I was able to move, I tried to open my eyes and to my luck, they opened, my vision was a little blurry but still I was actually relieved to be alive. Go figure.

"Hi" Vic smiled down at me, I didn't really reply, I just smiled, I wanted to puke thank you's all over him but I couldn't find the courage to even talk.

"It's going to be okay, life is going to get better" he reassured me.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" he kissed my forehead friendly and I close my eyes again, letting myself finally rest from all the stress.

And finally my head was clear and peacefully.

Notes

I was going to write a huge paragraph here about the moral to this one shot and explain a few things about it but I've decided against doing that because I think you should have your own perception of it and take from it whatever you wish without it being tainted by what I tell you.

So, I hope you like it, feedback is always appreciated.

This is for a friend, I love you.