To live in love and die
Fourteen
“So, as you all know, graduation is in a couple of weeks, and I’m sure you’re all very excited about it.” Rob announced to the class, followed by a loud wave or cheers and hoots from the students, me included.
College had been such an eventful stage of my life. I’d come here to the US without an idea of what I was going to do with my life. I’d just left behind the life I knew, the people I loved, and I was starting anew. For that reason, College made me pretty sad to leave. Now, I’d have to get a job, Sophie and I would have to leave our apartment complex and go find another place, and I’d have to start living my life again.
I wasn’t afraid of this, since I’d already been through a similar experience and I’d ended up just fine. I knew how to take care of myself, and I wasn’t alone. I had Sophie.
“Your final project must be in by May 25th, being our final exposition on the 30th, am I clear?” He asked, and everyone nodded. “Alright. Class dismissed.” He waved his hand at us, and we left the classroom. Sophie had long gone forgotten about her crush on Rob—since she had Tony now—but when he called her over right now, I saw the shock flash across her face.
She went up to him, silently, confused. I shook my head, a smile on my face, and closed the door behind me.
I had to find someone, since I’d made a promise to her around a month ago, and I was starting to look bad. Mary sat in a table in the lunchroom alone, a book in her hand, earphones blasting music for her.
I slipped into the table beside her, and she immediately looked up, startled. When she saw it was me, her face spread into a wide grin.
“Hey Mary.” I said, shifting in my seat to face her better.
“Hi Sam.” She paused her music, and closed her book. “I saw that you and Mike are official now.” She said.
Huh? “Umm, sorry, but how do you know that?” I wasn’t mad or annoyed, I just found it pretty odd.
Mary blushed. “Well, Mike has been posting an awful lot of pictures with you, and the word girlfriend has been mentioned in some of his captions.” She played with a strand of her hair nervously.
Oh, so that’s why. “No no, it’s okay. You’re right I just—I sometimes forget who he is you know?” I smiled timidly. I’d grown to see Mike as more than just a rock star, I’d grown to see him as a guy who cared about me and who wanted to be with me.
Mary nodded, silently, her face relaxing. “You’re really lucky Sam.” She stated, her voice masking a little bit of jealousy behind her words.
I guessed I would have to get used to that. “Yeah, I guess so.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between us, and I struggled to find something to break the tension with. Oh! Well, of course, that’s what I came here for in the first place.
“Mary, I have something for you.” I said, digging into my bag for my sketchbook. I pulled it out, and flipped it to the page I was looking for. Tearing it up, I handed it over to her.
Her reaction was the greatest thing ever. Her eyes grew so wide, I was pretty sure they were going to pop out of her skull. Her hand covered her gaping mouth, and her eyes filled with tears. She stared at me, eyes shining, and eyebrows up in her hair. “Thank you.” She whispered, her voice carrying such sincerity that it made my heart melt.
In the paper, there were four autographs scribbled. Four autographs I would’ve killed for just three months ago. And not just that, at the top, with Vic’s handwriting, it said:
Mary.
It’s May, and you’ve held on to yourself, to us.
Don’t ever let go, because we’ll be here forever
Love,
Pierce The Veil.
Mary had tears running down her cheeks now. I always noticed she wore long sleeved shirts even when it was summer, I always noticed the way she pulled at her sleeves, I always noticed the way she would shy away if someone as much as touched her hands. I knew she was a fighter, and I told that to the guys when I asked them to sign this.
“Sam?” she asked, as I started to stand up and leave. I turned around, curious.
“Yeah?” My sketchbook was in my hand, and I felt pinned down by the intensity of Mary’s eyes.
“Thank you. For remembering.” She said, sniffling, and shooting me a small smile. “And thank you……………for noticing.” I knew perfectly well what she meant with those words, for I had gone through that phase too. I knew how important it was to know someone still cared, and for me that person was Sophie. Maybe Mary didn’t have that person in her life, but I did what I could, and I was sure that would help her a lot.
I nodded at her, silently, and left, leaving her to her own thoughts and to the piece of paper that would probably be the reason she would stop punishing herself for life.
The last couple of weeks were exhausting. First of all, I had to figure out what I would do for the final exposition. And when I did, it wasn’t going to be easy.
I had to get a lot of clay.
A lot.
After buying it with the budget our school generously gave us, I transformed my room into a workplace. The whole corner where my easel used to be was cleared out, newspaper taped over the walls and placed on the floor around me, stuck together so it wouldn’t move.
I hadn’t seen Mike in a while, since he always claimed he was busy. I didn’t blame him, I was sure his life was pretty crazy sometimes. So when I felt someone kiss my neck suddenly, I yelped.
I spun around, and pulled my earphones out. Mike stood there, a wide grin on his face.
“Hey!” I said, surprised. I turned off the music and wiped the clay from my fingers off on my painting clothes. “What are you doing here?”
“I came here to see you, and Sophie let me in.” He said, simply. His eyes were regarding my still-looking-crappy piece. “That looks interesting, what’s it going to be?” He asked, a finger pointing behind me at the sculpture.
I shook my head, smiling widely. “No no mister, I’m not telling you. You’ll have to wait for the final exposition to see it!” I said, and flung myself at him, a little too hard, making us fly back and land on my bed.
My body was on top of his, and we were both laughing. His smile and laugh was contagious, and I loved it.
When we finally managed to calm down, he brushed my face with his hand. “Alright then. When’s it going to be?”
I smiled kissing his lips lightly. “On the 30th.”
His face transformed from giddy to sad. His mouth twitched down to a frown, and he let out a loud groan.
I sat up straight, rolling off of him. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
Mike looked at me with sad eyes, and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed my fingertips. “I leave on tour the 20th, and I come back on June 25th.”
Oh. Well, that sucked. I mean, I loved the fact that he was going on tour, since I knew he loved to and the fans would be so thrilled to see them live, like I would’ve been three months ago. It was very important for his career and I wanted to be as supportive of it as I could be.
“It’s okay.” I whispered. I understood he had to go, but it still made me sad. I was going to miss him a lot.
He kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry babe, you know I’d love to go.”
I nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “I know.” It was the 10th today, so that meant we still had some days together.
I kissed him, holding his face in my hands firmly. He made a sound of surprise, but immediately responded, his lips moving with mine delicately. The kiss wasn’t feverish, or passionate. It was sad, but it was amazing all the same. Every kiss from Mike made me feel dizzy, made me feel like I was flying. I wondered if I’d ever get rid of that feeling. I hoped not.
His lips ring was cold compared to the warmth of his lips, and it made me shiver.
After we broke apart, I leaned my forehead against his. “I’m going to miss you.”
He closed his eyes, sighing heavily. “You know I’ll miss you too.”
I knew. “Where’s the tour going to be this time?” I asked.
He pulled back and smiled a little. “It’s going to be pretty cool, we’re touring with A Day To Remember and Sleeping With Sirens throughout the country, but we’re headlining.” His expression was one of satisfaction and he seemed really proud about this.
I smiled back at him. “That is pretty cool.” Cool wasn’t the right word for it. It was beyond amazing. Those three were my all-time favorite bands, and I could never afford to go to any of their concerts, since I lived based on the scholarship budget. Now, I didn’t mind that much. I was friends with one of those bands, and I was dating the drummer, Mike Fuentes. I couldn’t really ask for much.
We went on talking about the tour and about the venues. I loved the way Mike’s eyes lit up when he talked about playing for a crowd, I loved the way his body language expressed the passion he felt when he was playing his drums, I loved the way his voice acquired a sentimental tone when he explained the feeling of walking out to an applauding crowd, listening to them singing along to the songs you lived to play.
I was jealous of him. I was jealous that he had the chance and opportunity to show his art to the world, to transmit the feelings he wanted to next to his three best friends.
For me, my art was only appreciated by myself, Rob, Sophie, and my classmates. I didn’t have the mediums to show it to the world in the big gallery shows, I couldn’t sell my portraits for ridiculously grand amounts of money. It wasn’t about that, I know, but I just wanted to feel like there were people out there who cared about it.
He noticed my expression was kind of sad, because he kissed my lips and asked: “Are you okay?”
I nodded, smiling. “I’m okay. I’m just really tired.” It was a Tuesday, and I had class the next day.
Mike cracked a smile. “You’re always tired. Sleepy head!” he tried teasing me, but I just wasn’t in the mood.
I wasn’t tired all of the time because I loved to sleep, I was tired because I couldn’t. Nightmares still raged through my mind every time I closed my eyes, and the only thing that seemed to make them go away was Mike. But he was leaving for more than a month, and I didn’t know what I was going to do.
I gave him a small smile, and his own faded. “Sam, are the nightmares still haunting you?” God, he knew me so well.
I nodded. He frowned. “Are you going to be okay while I’m gone?” He asked, concern clear in his eyes.
Oh no. The last thing I wanted was for him to worry about the poor messed up excuse of a girl back home while he was having the time of his life out on tour. No.
“Yes Mike, I’ll be okay.” I placed my hand on his cheek, and gave him a kiss. “I’m gonna miss you, that’s all.”
He seemed to relax a little, his easy grin coming back to his face.
We chatted for around two hours, until I started to get too sleepy to even open my eyes. We were curled together in my bed, my head resting on his shoulder.
I didn’t know if I could continue, and I opened my mouth to tell him that. “Mike, I—I’m so sleepy.” I sounded petty, and like a little girl, but my brain was overwhelmed with drowsiness.
I felt him chuckle. “Alright. I’ll see you later.” He kissed my head, slipped from my bed, bid me goodnight and left me to one of the most peaceful sleeps I’d had I the last week.
College had been such an eventful stage of my life. I’d come here to the US without an idea of what I was going to do with my life. I’d just left behind the life I knew, the people I loved, and I was starting anew. For that reason, College made me pretty sad to leave. Now, I’d have to get a job, Sophie and I would have to leave our apartment complex and go find another place, and I’d have to start living my life again.
I wasn’t afraid of this, since I’d already been through a similar experience and I’d ended up just fine. I knew how to take care of myself, and I wasn’t alone. I had Sophie.
“Your final project must be in by May 25th, being our final exposition on the 30th, am I clear?” He asked, and everyone nodded. “Alright. Class dismissed.” He waved his hand at us, and we left the classroom. Sophie had long gone forgotten about her crush on Rob—since she had Tony now—but when he called her over right now, I saw the shock flash across her face.
She went up to him, silently, confused. I shook my head, a smile on my face, and closed the door behind me.
I had to find someone, since I’d made a promise to her around a month ago, and I was starting to look bad. Mary sat in a table in the lunchroom alone, a book in her hand, earphones blasting music for her.
I slipped into the table beside her, and she immediately looked up, startled. When she saw it was me, her face spread into a wide grin.
“Hey Mary.” I said, shifting in my seat to face her better.
“Hi Sam.” She paused her music, and closed her book. “I saw that you and Mike are official now.” She said.
Huh? “Umm, sorry, but how do you know that?” I wasn’t mad or annoyed, I just found it pretty odd.
Mary blushed. “Well, Mike has been posting an awful lot of pictures with you, and the word girlfriend has been mentioned in some of his captions.” She played with a strand of her hair nervously.
Oh, so that’s why. “No no, it’s okay. You’re right I just—I sometimes forget who he is you know?” I smiled timidly. I’d grown to see Mike as more than just a rock star, I’d grown to see him as a guy who cared about me and who wanted to be with me.
Mary nodded, silently, her face relaxing. “You’re really lucky Sam.” She stated, her voice masking a little bit of jealousy behind her words.
I guessed I would have to get used to that. “Yeah, I guess so.”
An uncomfortable silence stretched between us, and I struggled to find something to break the tension with. Oh! Well, of course, that’s what I came here for in the first place.
“Mary, I have something for you.” I said, digging into my bag for my sketchbook. I pulled it out, and flipped it to the page I was looking for. Tearing it up, I handed it over to her.
Her reaction was the greatest thing ever. Her eyes grew so wide, I was pretty sure they were going to pop out of her skull. Her hand covered her gaping mouth, and her eyes filled with tears. She stared at me, eyes shining, and eyebrows up in her hair. “Thank you.” She whispered, her voice carrying such sincerity that it made my heart melt.
In the paper, there were four autographs scribbled. Four autographs I would’ve killed for just three months ago. And not just that, at the top, with Vic’s handwriting, it said:
Mary.
It’s May, and you’ve held on to yourself, to us.
Don’t ever let go, because we’ll be here forever
Love,
Pierce The Veil.
Mary had tears running down her cheeks now. I always noticed she wore long sleeved shirts even when it was summer, I always noticed the way she pulled at her sleeves, I always noticed the way she would shy away if someone as much as touched her hands. I knew she was a fighter, and I told that to the guys when I asked them to sign this.
“Sam?” she asked, as I started to stand up and leave. I turned around, curious.
“Yeah?” My sketchbook was in my hand, and I felt pinned down by the intensity of Mary’s eyes.
“Thank you. For remembering.” She said, sniffling, and shooting me a small smile. “And thank you……………for noticing.” I knew perfectly well what she meant with those words, for I had gone through that phase too. I knew how important it was to know someone still cared, and for me that person was Sophie. Maybe Mary didn’t have that person in her life, but I did what I could, and I was sure that would help her a lot.
I nodded at her, silently, and left, leaving her to her own thoughts and to the piece of paper that would probably be the reason she would stop punishing herself for life.
The last couple of weeks were exhausting. First of all, I had to figure out what I would do for the final exposition. And when I did, it wasn’t going to be easy.
I had to get a lot of clay.
A lot.
After buying it with the budget our school generously gave us, I transformed my room into a workplace. The whole corner where my easel used to be was cleared out, newspaper taped over the walls and placed on the floor around me, stuck together so it wouldn’t move.
I hadn’t seen Mike in a while, since he always claimed he was busy. I didn’t blame him, I was sure his life was pretty crazy sometimes. So when I felt someone kiss my neck suddenly, I yelped.
I spun around, and pulled my earphones out. Mike stood there, a wide grin on his face.
“Hey!” I said, surprised. I turned off the music and wiped the clay from my fingers off on my painting clothes. “What are you doing here?”
“I came here to see you, and Sophie let me in.” He said, simply. His eyes were regarding my still-looking-crappy piece. “That looks interesting, what’s it going to be?” He asked, a finger pointing behind me at the sculpture.
I shook my head, smiling widely. “No no mister, I’m not telling you. You’ll have to wait for the final exposition to see it!” I said, and flung myself at him, a little too hard, making us fly back and land on my bed.
My body was on top of his, and we were both laughing. His smile and laugh was contagious, and I loved it.
When we finally managed to calm down, he brushed my face with his hand. “Alright then. When’s it going to be?”
I smiled kissing his lips lightly. “On the 30th.”
His face transformed from giddy to sad. His mouth twitched down to a frown, and he let out a loud groan.
I sat up straight, rolling off of him. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
Mike looked at me with sad eyes, and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed my fingertips. “I leave on tour the 20th, and I come back on June 25th.”
Oh. Well, that sucked. I mean, I loved the fact that he was going on tour, since I knew he loved to and the fans would be so thrilled to see them live, like I would’ve been three months ago. It was very important for his career and I wanted to be as supportive of it as I could be.
“It’s okay.” I whispered. I understood he had to go, but it still made me sad. I was going to miss him a lot.
He kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry babe, you know I’d love to go.”
I nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “I know.” It was the 10th today, so that meant we still had some days together.
I kissed him, holding his face in my hands firmly. He made a sound of surprise, but immediately responded, his lips moving with mine delicately. The kiss wasn’t feverish, or passionate. It was sad, but it was amazing all the same. Every kiss from Mike made me feel dizzy, made me feel like I was flying. I wondered if I’d ever get rid of that feeling. I hoped not.
His lips ring was cold compared to the warmth of his lips, and it made me shiver.
After we broke apart, I leaned my forehead against his. “I’m going to miss you.”
He closed his eyes, sighing heavily. “You know I’ll miss you too.”
I knew. “Where’s the tour going to be this time?” I asked.
He pulled back and smiled a little. “It’s going to be pretty cool, we’re touring with A Day To Remember and Sleeping With Sirens throughout the country, but we’re headlining.” His expression was one of satisfaction and he seemed really proud about this.
I smiled back at him. “That is pretty cool.” Cool wasn’t the right word for it. It was beyond amazing. Those three were my all-time favorite bands, and I could never afford to go to any of their concerts, since I lived based on the scholarship budget. Now, I didn’t mind that much. I was friends with one of those bands, and I was dating the drummer, Mike Fuentes. I couldn’t really ask for much.
We went on talking about the tour and about the venues. I loved the way Mike’s eyes lit up when he talked about playing for a crowd, I loved the way his body language expressed the passion he felt when he was playing his drums, I loved the way his voice acquired a sentimental tone when he explained the feeling of walking out to an applauding crowd, listening to them singing along to the songs you lived to play.
I was jealous of him. I was jealous that he had the chance and opportunity to show his art to the world, to transmit the feelings he wanted to next to his three best friends.
For me, my art was only appreciated by myself, Rob, Sophie, and my classmates. I didn’t have the mediums to show it to the world in the big gallery shows, I couldn’t sell my portraits for ridiculously grand amounts of money. It wasn’t about that, I know, but I just wanted to feel like there were people out there who cared about it.
He noticed my expression was kind of sad, because he kissed my lips and asked: “Are you okay?”
I nodded, smiling. “I’m okay. I’m just really tired.” It was a Tuesday, and I had class the next day.
Mike cracked a smile. “You’re always tired. Sleepy head!” he tried teasing me, but I just wasn’t in the mood.
I wasn’t tired all of the time because I loved to sleep, I was tired because I couldn’t. Nightmares still raged through my mind every time I closed my eyes, and the only thing that seemed to make them go away was Mike. But he was leaving for more than a month, and I didn’t know what I was going to do.
I gave him a small smile, and his own faded. “Sam, are the nightmares still haunting you?” God, he knew me so well.
I nodded. He frowned. “Are you going to be okay while I’m gone?” He asked, concern clear in his eyes.
Oh no. The last thing I wanted was for him to worry about the poor messed up excuse of a girl back home while he was having the time of his life out on tour. No.
“Yes Mike, I’ll be okay.” I placed my hand on his cheek, and gave him a kiss. “I’m gonna miss you, that’s all.”
He seemed to relax a little, his easy grin coming back to his face.
We chatted for around two hours, until I started to get too sleepy to even open my eyes. We were curled together in my bed, my head resting on his shoulder.
I didn’t know if I could continue, and I opened my mouth to tell him that. “Mike, I—I’m so sleepy.” I sounded petty, and like a little girl, but my brain was overwhelmed with drowsiness.
I felt him chuckle. “Alright. I’ll see you later.” He kissed my head, slipped from my bed, bid me goodnight and left me to one of the most peaceful sleeps I’d had I the last week.
Notes
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4/9/14