I Guess I Never Should Have Loved You
Prologue
‘Tris, I love you,’ Tony said, his voice coated in passion but shaking in desperation. He needed her to know how he felt. He needed her to know how crazy he was about her—it was the only way. Her mystic green eyes stared back at him, glassed over with tears. Her maroon colored hair drooped down in her face as she looked down on the cold, wet ground. Tony marveled over her inexplicable beauty—why did she have to hide it?
He stroked her cheek gently, her pale skin contrasting with his tan finger. ‘Tris, baby, look at me,’ he said sadly. He could feel his heart slowly breaking, piece by piece by piece, because he knew what was going to happen next. He’s suspected this for months. She looked up, and he almost gasped—he always found her appearance shocking. Her eyes swirled with pain and sadness, her eyebrows twitched downward in worry, and her perfect pink lips stuck in a straight line. Despite her contorted features, Tony still found her breathtaking. Every time he looked at her, he fell harder and harder in love with her. But his feelings were obviously more in depth than just her appearance—he wasn’t that shallow to realize that it was her personality and inward beauty that enhanced her outward beauty.
‘Love isn’t real,’ she croaked, looking down again. Tony’s chest tightened in pain as he thought about all of the times they had together. Did they all amount to nothing? His mind flickered with memories—the good and the bad—and, specifically, he thought about how hard he worked to unravel her mystery—a feat that seemed initially impossible. So, why did she let him in just to push him out again? Tris didn’t know the answer to this question, either, which pained her even more than she thought was possible.
‘Tris,’ Tony began to cry. He wanted to be strong for her. Tony wanted nothing else but her in his arms forever; he loved her with every cell in his body, and he could feel his insides crumbling at the thought of her not loving him back.
‘Please don’t ask me to believe in something I can’t believe in,’ she whispered. Her words slithered past her lips, and they impaled his mind like poison.
‘How can you say that to me?’ Tony asked, a hint of anger in his voice—he tried hard to suppress it, but it was beginning to boil in his veins. He couldn’t understand how she didn’t feel anything for him, considering the way he felt for her. His eyes searched hers; there had to be something there.
‘Stop looking, Tone,’ she said softly, knowing what he was doing.
‘Don’t you see how much I love you, Tris? Is that not enough?’ Tony asked, not replying to her prior comment. Anger and hurt overwhelmed him.
She slowly shook her head, her flawless features torn. ‘I care about you a lot, Tony,’ she said softly.
Tony let the anger subside, replacing it with confusion as her words sunk in.
‘Then why…’ his voice trailed off. He couldn’t make the girl love him, no matter how hard he tried. He only thought that she loved him before, but he must have been mistaking it for something else. Care, Tony thought bitterly.
Tris looked up at Tony, holding his head in her hands. ‘It’s foolish,’ she said.
‘Then what is this?’ Tony gestured at the pair, standing in intimate proximity of each other, their breaths almost each other’s.
Tris only shook her head. She didn’t know how to explain how she felt on the inside without hurting him. The last thing Tris wanted to do was hurt Tony, but she knew it would be inevitable. People hurt other people; that had always been her philosophy.
Tony blinked at her lack of reply, his chest tightening again, as if he had been shot in the left shoulder, grazing his heart just enough to wound him severely, and maybe even kill him. Slowly, but surely, he would bleed out, his body unable to function with the lack of blood, the lack of feeling...
Tris shook her head. ‘I have to go,’ she said lowly, turning away. Tris clenched her eyes shut as she walked away, knowing that if she looked back, she wouldn't be able to leave. She spoke again, her voice quivering: ‘And I’m not coming back.’
Tony couldn’t bring himself to follow her. His entire body was numb, and his legs felt like lead. Tony felt an enormous hole opening up in his chest as he watched the love of his life walk away, knowing that he probably would never see her again. He knew this day was going to come—he’s always suspected it—but he didn’t know it would come this soon…
Tony dropped to his knees. The concrete hurt, but he wouldn’t know the difference because he could no longer feel anything at all.
He stroked her cheek gently, her pale skin contrasting with his tan finger. ‘Tris, baby, look at me,’ he said sadly. He could feel his heart slowly breaking, piece by piece by piece, because he knew what was going to happen next. He’s suspected this for months. She looked up, and he almost gasped—he always found her appearance shocking. Her eyes swirled with pain and sadness, her eyebrows twitched downward in worry, and her perfect pink lips stuck in a straight line. Despite her contorted features, Tony still found her breathtaking. Every time he looked at her, he fell harder and harder in love with her. But his feelings were obviously more in depth than just her appearance—he wasn’t that shallow to realize that it was her personality and inward beauty that enhanced her outward beauty.
‘Love isn’t real,’ she croaked, looking down again. Tony’s chest tightened in pain as he thought about all of the times they had together. Did they all amount to nothing? His mind flickered with memories—the good and the bad—and, specifically, he thought about how hard he worked to unravel her mystery—a feat that seemed initially impossible. So, why did she let him in just to push him out again? Tris didn’t know the answer to this question, either, which pained her even more than she thought was possible.
‘Tris,’ Tony began to cry. He wanted to be strong for her. Tony wanted nothing else but her in his arms forever; he loved her with every cell in his body, and he could feel his insides crumbling at the thought of her not loving him back.
‘Please don’t ask me to believe in something I can’t believe in,’ she whispered. Her words slithered past her lips, and they impaled his mind like poison.
‘How can you say that to me?’ Tony asked, a hint of anger in his voice—he tried hard to suppress it, but it was beginning to boil in his veins. He couldn’t understand how she didn’t feel anything for him, considering the way he felt for her. His eyes searched hers; there had to be something there.
‘Stop looking, Tone,’ she said softly, knowing what he was doing.
‘Don’t you see how much I love you, Tris? Is that not enough?’ Tony asked, not replying to her prior comment. Anger and hurt overwhelmed him.
She slowly shook her head, her flawless features torn. ‘I care about you a lot, Tony,’ she said softly.
Tony let the anger subside, replacing it with confusion as her words sunk in.
‘Then why…’ his voice trailed off. He couldn’t make the girl love him, no matter how hard he tried. He only thought that she loved him before, but he must have been mistaking it for something else. Care, Tony thought bitterly.
Tris looked up at Tony, holding his head in her hands. ‘It’s foolish,’ she said.
‘Then what is this?’ Tony gestured at the pair, standing in intimate proximity of each other, their breaths almost each other’s.
Tris only shook her head. She didn’t know how to explain how she felt on the inside without hurting him. The last thing Tris wanted to do was hurt Tony, but she knew it would be inevitable. People hurt other people; that had always been her philosophy.
Tony blinked at her lack of reply, his chest tightening again, as if he had been shot in the left shoulder, grazing his heart just enough to wound him severely, and maybe even kill him. Slowly, but surely, he would bleed out, his body unable to function with the lack of blood, the lack of feeling...
Tris shook her head. ‘I have to go,’ she said lowly, turning away. Tris clenched her eyes shut as she walked away, knowing that if she looked back, she wouldn't be able to leave. She spoke again, her voice quivering: ‘And I’m not coming back.’
Tony couldn’t bring himself to follow her. His entire body was numb, and his legs felt like lead. Tony felt an enormous hole opening up in his chest as he watched the love of his life walk away, knowing that he probably would never see her again. He knew this day was going to come—he’s always suspected it—but he didn’t know it would come this soon…
Tony dropped to his knees. The concrete hurt, but he wouldn’t know the difference because he could no longer feel anything at all.
Notes
Hi to anyone who's reading this :)
I'm going to try and do third person POV in this story... we'll see how that works out! I want to practice it, so that's what i'm doing here!
Updates will probably be infrequent given that I have several other stories I'm slowly working on, along with real life obligations, but updates will come nonetheless!
I know this is barely anything at all, but leave comments/thoughts and all of that fun stuff, and if you like it so far don't forget to rate and subscribe and vote :)
@PierceTheP3rry
@djemcee
Oops, I'm just now seeing these! Thank you so much! <3
12/10/13