I stumbled out of Mike’s bunk the next morning, searching for my AWOL boyfriend.
“Where’s your stupid brother?” I asked Vic.
He shrugged. “Haven’t seen him.”
“Are we in Baton Rouge yet?”
“Yeah, got here a couple hours ago.” He said. I nodded, making my way into the bathroom to make myself look presentable before going to search for Mike. I put on skinny jeans and one of Mike’s hoodies and a beanie over my pink hair, slipped on my Toms and left, shivering in the early morning January cold.
I made my way onto All Time Low’s bus. “Hey, have you guys seen Mike?”
“Shut up. Alex is sleeping.” Jack said.
I rolled my eyes. “He’s always sleeping. No, you haven’t seen him?”
“Last I saw he was going that way.” Rian said, pointing left. I looked over and saw Of Mice & Men’s bus.
“Wow, lovely.” I said. “You still owe me five bucks by the way, Dawson.”
Quickly I walked to my cousin’s bus, fingers crossed Mike wasn’t there. The last thing I wanted was to start trouble on tour.
I knocked on the door, biting my lip.
Alan answered. “Figured you’d be here soon.”
“Where is he?” I asked anxiously.
“They’ve been in the back room for maybe fifteen minutes.” He said.
I walked in, going to the shut door that was exuding tension.
“-and I came here because I can see how much it hurts her. She misses you. She hates not having you in her life. It hurts me to see her like that.” Mike’s voice said.
Austin sighed. “Do you think I like this? I know she’s in pain. I just. . . I worry about her so much. I don’t want her to stop eating again.”
“I’m really glad I got her eating again. She was too thin, man.” Mike agreed.
“I thought you guys met after she went to rehab.” Austin said, his voice going from amiable to hostile.
Silence. “There was. . . a few months. . “
“You’re fucking joking.” Austin said.
“No.”
I took the opportune moment to burst through the door. “So we’re all friends again yeah?”
“You!” Austin cried. “Look who it is! Rebecca Recovery here to save the day!”
I sighed. “You think I haven’t heard this speech enough? I don’t need it from you too.”
“This is bullshit, Charley, and you know it. Did you ever even get better at all? Or have you been playing everyone? Are you even sick?”
I stared at him. “How can you ask me that?”
“I don’t even know who you are anymore! For all I know, you’re just doing this to get attention!” He yelled.
“Maybe you should calm down.” Mike interjected.
“You can fuck off too, Mike! This is your fault!” Austin yelled. He looked back at me. “I’m done, Charley.”
“You. . . I’m through with you.” I said softly, looking up at him from under my eyelashes. “You don’t want me to be happy, do you? He makes me happy, Austin. I have never been this happy in my life. Never. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for him. I need you to understand, Austin, that you can bitch and whine about how much you hate him all you want but I’ll choose him.” I said slowly, tears making their way down my face. “I didn’t want to have to choose. You’ve made my life a lot harder than it has to be recently, I love you so much. But you’re making me do this. I love him, Austin. We’ve both tried to make amends but you’re stubborn and you don’t want to be in my life. I can’t do this anymore. If you want to be in my life, let me know. Until then, I’m done. We’re done.”
Austin’s face softened. “Charley. . .”
If he had anything else to say, I didn’t hear it. I was out of there, out of that bus with Mike following close behind me.
“You didn’t have to do that.” Mike said, catching me before I fell.
I cried silently in his arms. “How could he say that?”
“He’s mad at himself. You were just the one he took it out on.” Mike said.
“I’m not wrong, am I?” I asked.
“No. You haven’t done anything wrong. This is my fault.” He said softly.
“Don’t say that. I love you, okay?” I asked.
“Clearly. I love you. It’s going to be okay.” Mike assured me, and he was the only one I believed anymore.

Notes

bazinga