It's Cold and I Don't Want To Be Here
It's Not That Easy
"Mike no," I said pushing him off of me. He was trying to take off my shirts, for reasons that were quite obvious.
"Why not?" He pouted.
"Micheal just drop it, please?" I said sternly, turning my back to him on the bed.
"Michelle, no. We need to talk about things at some point. You can't keep just putting things off," he huffed.
"Im not ready, okay?" I snapped.
When we got back home from Tonys, we got something to eat. And it was probably the first real meal I've eaten for a week and a half. Once we were done Mike decided it was a bright idea to go up into our bedroom and get into the heat of things. Clearly he was ready to do the deeds now, but I wasn't.
Do you ever think of where we would be right now if we hadn't had a miscarriage?" I asked quietly.
Mike sucked in a sharp breath and I turned around to face him, his eyes were squeezed shut and his bottom lip was quivering. The sight in front of me made my heart break into a million shattered pieces. "I do, I think we would be happy. Buying things for our little Angel, setting up the nursery, arguing over cute little baby names, I would be talking to your little baby bump, kissing you all over," he said quietly, letting a tear escape from the corner of his eye.
"Im miss our baby Mikey," I put my face into his chest and sobbed.
"I know, I do too baby. But we can get through this together, I'm not going anywhere. I'm done drinking my problems away, I'm here for you now and forever," he wrapped his arms around me and tightly kept me pressed against his chest.
"Promise?" I choked out.
"I promise," he said taking his pinky and locking it with my own.
"Where are we going tomorrow?" I asked, changing the subject to a more easier topic.
"I can't tell you it's a surprise, I'd rather we left tonight and be there by morning."
"Im sorry, I just wanted to go home first," I said guiltily.
"I know, and it's okay. Now go to bed princess, I love you," he kissed the top of my head and played his head down on the pillow.
"I love you too," I snuggled into his chest and dropped my eye lids. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep tonight, I haven't gotten a good night's rest since the incident. I've barely, eaten, slept, or communicated with many people since that day. It was too hard, hearing people talking about the what ifs, I couldn't bear to hear it. I was surprised to say the least when my eyes got heavy and I fell into a deep sleep, next to Mike.
I was awoken in the morning by a very tired, but cheery Mike. We were currently in the car, headed towards his big surprise. The back seat of his car was piled high with our luggage, Mike kept looking over at me with a big smile on his face and squeezing my hand in his.
"It wouldve been nice of you to tell me where we were going," I said, pursing my lips.
"Im sure it would be but no can do sunshine," he gave me a bug cheesy smile and turned his head back to the road.
"Fucker," I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?" Mike said keeping his eyes on the road that was in front of him. He squeezed my knee.
"I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't say anything. You must be getting old you're hearing things now," I joked.
"Hey! I'm only 29 thank you very much little girl," he said playfully hitting my leg.
"My point exactly, you're getting old," I laughed.
"Youre mean," Mike pouted.
"I know, I'm sorry. How much longer until we get there, my ass is going numb," I said moving around in my seat.
"I could help you with that?" Mike said cocking an eyebrow up at me.
"NO!" I yelled.
"Well jeez, somebody's no fun today. We're here," he signalled into a long driveway.
I strained my neck for ant sign of civilization, only to be met with a shit load of pine trees and the sight of a mountain in the distance. Up ahead a large wooden cabin came into view, with a large wrap around porch, and a little garage.
"Welcome to Big Bear!" Mike exclaimed with a large grin playing on his face as he parked outside of the house.
"Mike? Who's place is this?" I asked as I stepped out of the car and stared up at the cabin.
"Its ours. Well technically its the record company's but it's ours for the next two weeks," he laughed and took long strides up the pathway and took two steps at a time. He stuck a key into the door, it clicked and he pushed it open, "are you coming in or are yout just going to stand there with your mouth wide open?" He asked before disappearing into the house.
I ran as fast as I could tripping up the stairs a few times, I burst through the front door to find Mike clutching onto his stomach, hysterically laughing.
"Youre such a clutz! How many times did you fall up those stairs?!" He laughed.
"Fuck you Mike," I breathed out, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Oh stop it, you know I'm joking," he said walking over to me and pulling me into his warm embrace.
"I know you big bully."
"Why not?" He pouted.
"Micheal just drop it, please?" I said sternly, turning my back to him on the bed.
"Michelle, no. We need to talk about things at some point. You can't keep just putting things off," he huffed.
"Im not ready, okay?" I snapped.
When we got back home from Tonys, we got something to eat. And it was probably the first real meal I've eaten for a week and a half. Once we were done Mike decided it was a bright idea to go up into our bedroom and get into the heat of things. Clearly he was ready to do the deeds now, but I wasn't.
Do you ever think of where we would be right now if we hadn't had a miscarriage?" I asked quietly.
Mike sucked in a sharp breath and I turned around to face him, his eyes were squeezed shut and his bottom lip was quivering. The sight in front of me made my heart break into a million shattered pieces. "I do, I think we would be happy. Buying things for our little Angel, setting up the nursery, arguing over cute little baby names, I would be talking to your little baby bump, kissing you all over," he said quietly, letting a tear escape from the corner of his eye.
"Im miss our baby Mikey," I put my face into his chest and sobbed.
"I know, I do too baby. But we can get through this together, I'm not going anywhere. I'm done drinking my problems away, I'm here for you now and forever," he wrapped his arms around me and tightly kept me pressed against his chest.
"Promise?" I choked out.
"I promise," he said taking his pinky and locking it with my own.
"Where are we going tomorrow?" I asked, changing the subject to a more easier topic.
"I can't tell you it's a surprise, I'd rather we left tonight and be there by morning."
"Im sorry, I just wanted to go home first," I said guiltily.
"I know, and it's okay. Now go to bed princess, I love you," he kissed the top of my head and played his head down on the pillow.
"I love you too," I snuggled into his chest and dropped my eye lids. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep tonight, I haven't gotten a good night's rest since the incident. I've barely, eaten, slept, or communicated with many people since that day. It was too hard, hearing people talking about the what ifs, I couldn't bear to hear it. I was surprised to say the least when my eyes got heavy and I fell into a deep sleep, next to Mike.
I was awoken in the morning by a very tired, but cheery Mike. We were currently in the car, headed towards his big surprise. The back seat of his car was piled high with our luggage, Mike kept looking over at me with a big smile on his face and squeezing my hand in his.
"It wouldve been nice of you to tell me where we were going," I said, pursing my lips.
"Im sure it would be but no can do sunshine," he gave me a bug cheesy smile and turned his head back to the road.
"Fucker," I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?" Mike said keeping his eyes on the road that was in front of him. He squeezed my knee.
"I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't say anything. You must be getting old you're hearing things now," I joked.
"Hey! I'm only 29 thank you very much little girl," he said playfully hitting my leg.
"My point exactly, you're getting old," I laughed.
"Youre mean," Mike pouted.
"I know, I'm sorry. How much longer until we get there, my ass is going numb," I said moving around in my seat.
"I could help you with that?" Mike said cocking an eyebrow up at me.
"NO!" I yelled.
"Well jeez, somebody's no fun today. We're here," he signalled into a long driveway.
I strained my neck for ant sign of civilization, only to be met with a shit load of pine trees and the sight of a mountain in the distance. Up ahead a large wooden cabin came into view, with a large wrap around porch, and a little garage.
"Welcome to Big Bear!" Mike exclaimed with a large grin playing on his face as he parked outside of the house.
"Mike? Who's place is this?" I asked as I stepped out of the car and stared up at the cabin.
"Its ours. Well technically its the record company's but it's ours for the next two weeks," he laughed and took long strides up the pathway and took two steps at a time. He stuck a key into the door, it clicked and he pushed it open, "are you coming in or are yout just going to stand there with your mouth wide open?" He asked before disappearing into the house.
I ran as fast as I could tripping up the stairs a few times, I burst through the front door to find Mike clutching onto his stomach, hysterically laughing.
"Youre such a clutz! How many times did you fall up those stairs?!" He laughed.
"Fuck you Mike," I breathed out, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Oh stop it, you know I'm joking," he said walking over to me and pulling me into his warm embrace.
"I know you big bully."
Notes
Hahahaha I'm supposed to be doing homework. Procrastination motherfuckers. :p I seriously can't concentrate with crap.Hope you guys are liking this chapter & story! How do you feel about a sequel at some point?
Go follow me on Tumblr! http://mikeywhiskeyhands-bitch.tumblr.com/ (I changed my URL)
Love you guys!
-Schuyler
@Mrs.Kellic Fuenciado
Thank you thank you! :)
12/22/13