(Vic’s POV)

I paced up and down the aisle of our tour bus, my headphones over my ears and my music blasting. I breathed and quietly sang along, trying to calm my shaking nerves.

We were in Seattle for our first show. Seattle shows were the next best thing after San Diego shows; this felt like our second hometown, where Pierce the Veil was born. Mike and I had recorded A Flair For The Dramatic here, so being here always felt familiar.

And I also knew that I had to tell the fans, tonight. I knew couldn’t wait to do it for the last show, which was in San Diego—I would just feel guilty the entire tour and not be able to give it my all, the truth nagging in the back of my head. I hoped that all of the other fans that weren’t on the Seattle date would catch on so I wouldn’t have to repeat myself. I didn’t want the tour to turn into all about me; it was about the band, the music, and the fans. So, hopefully coming clean once would be enough.

“Hey, ready for sound check?” Tony tapped me on my shoulder, and I nodded, sliding my headphones off of my ears and keeping them around my neck.

“Yeah, be right there,” I breathed. Tony nodded, disappearing out of the bus, and I sat down on the lounge couch. Leaning forward, I tied my classic black and white vans, concentrating on the way the laces looped together, trying not to think about what I was going to say. I practiced it a million times, but I knew what I actually ended up saying on stage was going to be much different.

“Nice shot,” our tour photographer, Adam, mumbled. I looked over at him and stuck my tongue out at him, and he grinned as he snapped another picture. I rolled my eyes.

“Get out of here,” I swatted him away, chuckling.

Adam stood up from his spot on the floor, swinging his camera strap over his shoulder. “Catch ya later, Vic,” he waved, before darting off of the bus. I smiled; Adam was a great photographer, and an even better friend. He often took pictures for us—photo shoots, concert pictures, and just everyday life—and we all became close friends in the process. Although, he didn’t really know about all of the drama that happened over the past month.

I frowned as the memory of the past few years invaded my mind.

We had been a normal band, touring, meeting fans, going to signings and interviews, and then we fell down a slippery slope. Our shows halted in the events of Drew Sanders, and they were put off for a while after Spencer’s death. The fans knew that I had been kidnapped (it was public information), and, for a while, they thought that Pierce the Veil was no more—they thought that I had died. I shuddered at the thought. And everyone knew about Spencer dying, too. It was all just so fucked up, and it took a while to get back in the swing of things.

But then we toured non-stop for two years after we released our third album, mindlessly going through the old motions of being a touring band.

And then I snapped, and, once again, our band went through a rough patch of cancelled and inconsistent shows. This time was different, though; the fans had no idea why. But, now, we were getting back into the swing of things, and it was time to get our shit together, once and for all.

“Wow, it feels so good to be here, Seattle,” I smiled at the crowd, who cheered in response. My eyes glistened as I gazed at the group.

“Alright, so, we had this whole thing planned out for you guys,” I began. “We were going to put on a real show for you guys; we had the set list all planned out and the lighting and sound all coordinated to create this awesome, bad ass effect, and you guys were going to go nuts,” I grinned. Soon after, though, my smile faded. “But we need to have a little chat, first,” I said. My chest pounded, and it was basically the only thing you could hear in the room. The fans had fallen silent, every single damn one of them noticing my serious expression.

“One sec,” I murmured into the microphone. Mike, Tony, Jaime and I all walked off of the stage—the crowd gasping. A crewmember handed me a stool to sit on, and the other guys stayed on the side of the stage. “You got this,” Mike squeezed my shoulder encouragingly before I returned back to the center of the stage.

I noticed a few faces in the crowd look at me in confusion—I was sitting on a stool with no instruments other than my voice. A few people looked placid, a few looked shocked, and a few even looked angry. It was then when I realized that I was going to receive several different reactions tonight, and I didn’t know if I was ready for them.

“So,” I sighed into the microphone. I looked to the left, making eye contact with my three brothers. They gave me a thumbs up.

“There’s a rumor going around,” I began, and I paid special attention to the faces of the fans I could see. I made sure to make eye contact with as many of them as possible. Some of their eyes widened, some of their eyes narrowed, and most of their eyebrows raised.

“I am aware that there is a rumor that I tried to commit suicide last month, and I am here to put that rumor to rest,” I said. I paused, the words blocking my throat and making it hard to breathe. The fans looked at me expectantly—oh, God, they probably were assuming that I was denying the rumor…

I sighed. I blinked. A tear rolled down my cheek. “It is true,” I said, my voice a lot stronger than I thought.

The crowd gasped. I heard a chorus of “no”’s, a few cries, and, most of all, I heard silence. I ducked my head in shame, my face contorting in sadness. I buried my face in one of my hands while my other hand dropped lazily, loosely holding the microphone. I tried to choke back a sob, but I was unsuccessful.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand and sniffed. “I’m sorry,” I croaked. “I’m so, so sorry,” I said, my voice gaining strength as I continued to speak.

“I’m not going to go into detail about it, but I was in a horrible place. I was in a place that I’ve only visited a few times in my life, and even then I had never actually carried out a plan to-to k-kill myself. I had never taken it this far before… I had never walked to far down that road…” I shook my head. “I was being selfish. I thought of my band mates,” I glanced over at them, a pain ripping though my chest when I saw that they were crying, “and I thought of you guys. But I still did it, anyway. That is something I will never forgive myself for. There’s so much to fucking live for, guys, okay? Don’t take my example, don’t try to do it. Dear God, I’m so relieved that I am still alive to tell you all how much of a mistake it was to try.

“I want you guys to know that I’m better now, for the most part. I’m ready to live and love and really be here for everyone. I understand if this taints your opinion on me, and I’m sorry, I truly am. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone else, I only meant to hurt myself. But, sometimes you have to realize that your pain is shared. There’s always someone who cares, at least one person.

I know I might seem like a hypocrite right now, so if you hate me, that’s okay. I accept that. I can’t express how sorry I am for almost letting you guys down, and how much I wish I could reverse it.”

I sighed, heavily, wiping my face one more time. “I’m rambling now,” I said lowly and shook my head.

“One last thing. I’m here for all of you, okay? If you ever feel like I felt, don’t do what I did. Please just know that I will be your one person who cares if you have nobody else. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I love you guys,” I said. My face was tear stained and my eyes were red, but I also felt good, like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

“We love you!” a few fans called out, and I smiled at the crowd.

“You guys are really the best,” I grinned. “How about we play the show, now, yes?” the crowd cheered in excitement. I stared at their faces for a few more moments—a lot of them, if not all, were crying to some degree.

“You did good, buddy,” Mike jogged up to me and murmured into my ear. Jaime ruffled my hair, and Tony gave me a sideways hug.

“If you wanted to set me free, why the fuck wouldn’t you say something? See, I was just over seventeen. May the poison set me free! Oh, no, please don’t abandon me…” I screamed, the show finally beginning. And, just like how we planned, the music came crashing down at such a high intensity, and the show kicked off perfectly.

I didn’t think we ever played a show with so much energy and passion. I let out everything, nearly doubling over in the most intense part of songs. By the end, the vibe of the arena was incredible. We were all sweaty as fuck, but all traces of tears and sadness had evaporated.

Everything was finally okay.

After the show, we lingered outside a bit longer to talk to fans—we didn’t have a meet and greet for this particular date. Every single one of them was amazing to talk to. Telling them what happened was the best decision I have made in a long time. As a whole, the band got so many kind words of support, and, despite the circumstances, everything felt normal. We signed an infinite amount of concert tickets and merch, we tried to take as many pictures as possible, and I swear I think I hugged every single fan that was out there.

“Hey, Adam. Did you record what I said tonight by any chance?” I asked hopefully, kicking myself for not asking to do so before hand.

“You bet I did,” he said. “Do you want me to post it online?” he asked.

“Yes, please,” I smiled. “Could you also send me the file for it? I’d like to post it on twitter,” I asked.

“Of course, coming right up,” he said. Adam had already begun loading the pictures and video onto a laptop, so I got the file in no time.

“Thanks so much,” I said, logging onto twitter from my own computer.

“What you said was great, Vic,” Adam said. “I’m proud of you.”

I looked up to him, smiling. “Thanks, Adam. I feel a lot better now that that is out in the open,” I nodded. I looked back down at the screen, and I attached the video to a tweet. “To our fans: please watch this video. I love you all,” I typed. I nervously sent the tweet out. I was afraid that I would get backlash for this, but I wanted every fan to hear it. I wasn’t going to say that at every show, because I wanted the show to be about the music, not about my sad excuse of a role model.

I saw that I already had a few notifications, but I quickly logged out—I didn’t want to see the reactions just quite yet.

“Hey, brother, you ready?” Mike poked his head inside of the bus, a cloud of smoke already formed around his head.

“Yeah, yeah, I am! Adam, are you coming?” I turned.

“Yeah, one sec,” Adam stood up, typing a few more things on his computer, before shutting it and putting it away. “Yeah, let’s go,” he said.

All of the bands plus crewmembers were meeting at a local bar to celebrate the first night of the tour.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I stopped walking for a second, taking out my phone.

“What is it?” Mike asked.

“I have to call Charlie. I told her I would,” I said.

“Vic, it’s late. Just send her a text, she’s probably sleeping,” Mike said.

I looked down at the clock on my phone. He was right—it was almost midnight. Charlie was definitely asleep right now, and she spent the entire day moving into her new apartment and checking out one of her job opportunities. She was most definitely exhausted, and probably asleep.

So, I settled on sending her a text: “Hi Charlie. You’re probably asleep, but I hope you had a good day. The show went well, and I miss you already. I’ll call you tomorrow morning.”

I locked my phone and slipped it into my back pocket, jogging ahead to catch up with the rest of the guys.

“Ready for some fun?” Mike patted my head.

“Get the fuck off of me,” I shrugged his hand off of my head, adjusting the snap back that I had on backwards.

“And yes, I haven’t gotten drunk in so long,” I realized. “I can’t wait,” I said.

“You sound like an alcoholic, dude,” he chuckled, and I rolled my eyes.

“Where are the others?” I asked, seeing that it was just me and him walking down the street.

“Adam went ahead with Tone and Himes. We’re almost there,” he said.

“Thanks for waiting up on me,” I nudged him.

“No problem, bro. And, uh, I’m proud to have my big brother back,” he said, and I caught his blush.

I stopped walking and wrapped him in a much needed brotherly hug.

“Okay, enough of this ewy-gooey shit,” Mike peeled himself away from me, and I chuckled.

We walked into the bar, being greeted by several familiar faces. It feels so good to be back.

Mike cheered, disappearing into a crowd of alcohol, smokes, and girls. "Let's get fucked up!"

Notes

Yay another update :)

I'm trying to write as much as possible over the weekends!

Sorry, it's short, but I wanted to split up the concert from the after party

I hope you liked it anyway :)