I was walking around my kitchen, quite happily. I get to see Vic in a few days, I thought. I was making some food when I heard my phone vibrate, signalling a call coming through. I squealed happily at the thought of it being Vic, but the ID read Marc. I sighed, hoping only for good news. I pressed answer on my phone and waited for it to connect while stirring the pasta I was currently making.
“Hello?” I said.
“Kim…” he croaked out. His voice said it all. I knew that voice, and I knew it all too well by now.
“Aw, no, Marc.” I whispered, taking the pan off the heat and pacing my kitchen. “What’s happening?”
“It’s going to be tonight… We think.” He said, sighing. My stomach dropped and I couldn’t even speak.
“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” I said, as I put on some shoes and grabbed my keys, hanging up the phone I put it in the passenger seat before driving out of my driveway and speeding to the hospital. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t even cry. I just did. Everything was all kind of robotic as I parked the car. It didn’t feel right. I just felt like this wasn’t happening. But my brother would not play that cruel of a joke on me. I walked into the hospital, an emotionless look on my face. I pressed the button on the lift to go up to the second floor. I got there, shuffling quickly to my mum’s room. It seemed like years until I got there, and when I did, it was too late.
I walked through the door, her heart monitor making a long beeping noise. There was nothing. No one made a sound. Nothing. My mum was rotting into a skeleton before my eyes, her hand reaching out to me. My family rotted away before my eyes also, I was left with skeletons. Scared, I walked out of the hospital, still feeling totally emotionless. I just didn’t know what to do. I just felt like I couldn’t breathe and if I didn’t get out of there, I would have gone insane. I walked into my car to be met with my mum sitting in the passenger seat. I jumped.
“Honey, you left your phone.” She said sweetly. She looked exactly the same as she used to. Her thick black hair was curly and down to her shoulders, her face was full and tanned, she just looked like the woman I used to know, before all of this. She reached out, touching my face with the back of her hand, smiling at me sweetly. She vanished almost immediately after.

That’s when I woke up, sweat dripping off me and Taylor shaking me. I cuddled into her, petrified. I’ve been having this dream constantly, every single night for the past month. Ever since Vic left. I just could not get it out of my mind. it was horrible. It showed me how things really are. I’ve been cutting my thighs again, to release me from the pain of this horrible nightmare. When I’m too afraid to sleep, I turn to the blade. It might sound stupid, but I don’t care. What else am I meant to do? It makes me feel a little less of a freak.

“Babe you were screaming.” Taylor whispered as she petted my hair. I was still shaking from my nightmare. I was a sweaty, exhausted, petrified mess and I was shaking like a leaf. Taylor took the covers off of me, before seeing my cuts. “Kimberly Rose!” she sobbed.

I sobbed too, feeling guilty. I now know why I stopped this. I don’t want to put her through this, again, it’s not fair. “I’m s-s-sorry.” I sobbed out, cuddling her, this time.

“I know baby, I know. You’ll be okay. What’s your nightmare about?” she questioned.
I began telling her about the horrific nightmare I’ve had for the longest time now, it’s haunting me. I see the skeleton of my mother everywhere, I constantly have flashbacks. I try my hardest not to sleep, but it’s impossible. I don’t know what to do anymore. Taylor looked saddened as I told her my nightmare, her eyes never leaving mine, our hands held together. She held me as I sobbed, I really couldn’t ask for a better best friend.

---

“I’ve been having this nightmare mama. It’s so scary. It’s about you. I don’t want you to-I don’t…” I sighed, not wanting to put this heavy weight on her shoulders. “I miss you mama, I just, I want everything to be okay again. Why can’t it be okay? Why you?” I sobbed into her, finally caving in and letting everything flood out of me. She cooed me, just like she would whenever I was younger. I’ve always been a troubled girl, ever since I was younger, I was forever checking to see if both of my parents and my brothers were still alive in the middle of the night. I don’t know why, it’s actually pretty disturbing, but I was always afraid of my parents being taken away from me, my brothers too.

“Why not me? Who else? Baby I’m so sorry, you know I love you more than anything, and I miss you also. But please just try and sleep, you are beyond exhausted, even if you take Taylor into bed with you. It seems that when you sleep with someone else in the bed, you’re more content. I think you’re just scared, baby. I’ve always been your biggest support system and I think your little head is trying to tell you that I won’t be here anymore. I don’t know how to explain it honey, but I think you just need to accept it. I’m going to go, at some point. Everyone is. Even you. Just please promise me you’ll be okay, you’ll try your hardest, for me?” she said, petting my hair as I cuddled into her on the hospital bed.

We cuddled and talked about everything for a while, everyone else was in the room with us now but I still hadn’t moved from my position on her bed. I was lying, cuddling into her, falling into a soft sleep. It was peaceful, and nightmare free. It was exactly what I needed.

A few hours later, I awoke to my mama kissing my head. I smiled and sat up, stretching out and hearing everything click. I sighed, being content, before sliding back down in my position in bed with my mum. I can’t believe the nurses were letting me sleep here tonight; my mama must have done some good convincing.

“It sounds like you had a good sleep, angel.” She said, playing with my hair again.

“I did, nightmare free.” I answered her, smiling up at her. I seriously will always be a mummy’s girl.

“How’s Vic? And his tour?” she asked.

“He’s doing well; it’s nearly finished, a few more days, thank god. He keeps me sane. And he always asks about you mum, he thinks the world of you.” I answered. She smiled, nodding.

“Kim, baby?” she whispered, shaking me a little.

“Yeah? You in pain?” I asked. She nodded her head and I grabbed the co-codomol from the bedside unit. I popped two into my hands, passing her the bottle of water first, then the first tablet. I waited till she’d swallowed, then I gave her the other.

“Let’s hope these kick in soon, huh baby?” she asked. I nodded, taking my mum in my arms and making small circles on her arms, soothing her to help her fall asleep. She said she always loved when I done that to her.

I smiled to myself, thinking of all the memories I have and treasure with my mother. There’s nothing more important than having a wonderful bond with your parents.

I turned round about an hour or two later to say something but noticed she was sleeping, or so I thought. I decided to get up since I needed the bathroom and when she didn’t flinch or wake up when I got off the bed, I instantly got worried. “Mama?” I whispered, scared of the response.

When I got nothing, I put my face next to her ear to find that she wasn’t breathing. I shook her a little, my eyes going wide. She wasn’t breathing, fuck! I brought my shaky hands to her neck to find a pulse, and was incredibly disappointed to find that there wasn’t one. I buzzed the nurse’s button multiple times, not letting my mum go, the tears flying down my face.

They came in, checking everything for me before one of them gave me a sad, sympathetic smile, one they probably have practised for hours on end. “I’m so sorry.” She said, “I’ll give your stepdad a phone.” And with that she left the room, and I was left, sobbing on the chair next to my mum’s bed. I couldn’t believe it.

Notes

Title credit: The Calling - Northlane.

thank you for reading this, it's going to be a bit emotional from here for a little while x