We sit there for a while, shoulder to shoulder, heads touching, in a peaceful silence. She reaches for my hand and it feels like the whole day passes us by.

"Can I sleep at yours' tonight?" She asks quietly, heavily, exhausted.

"Of course" I reply in exactly the same way. The waitress comes and asks us if we want anything else, we've been sitting here all day, the sun is slowly setting and all my thoughts are consumed with is her leaving. A day after tomorrow. For 'a couple of months tops' my heart drops.

"Come on, lets go home" I whisper and kiss her cheek, she nods and waits for me to slide out of the booth so she can too, the whole atmosphere between us is deflated and exhausted and it makes me feel even worse.

The car ride is even worse, I didn't think it could get worse, but it does. I decide to drive so I can concentrate on something other than the empty feeling inside my chest, I turn the key in the ignition as she clips in her seatbelt, she smiles at me, a weak kind of forced smile, I nod in return with as much of a smile as I can muster. I pull out of the car park slowly trying to concentrate on small things, the feel of the steering wheel underneath my hands, the clothes touching my skin, the itch on the end of my nose, the bright lights from other cars...the hollow feeling inside me.

No no no! Vic, don't dwell on it—I tell myself but inwardly laugh as I do. It's really not that easy.

She shuffles a few times in her seat, a restless, awkward fidgeting that portrays discomfort and sadness.

"It'll be okay," I break the silence "We'll figure something out" I say, kind of lying through my teeth, Hazel is the only happiness I have in my life, my brother is a drunk, I barely see my friends, my dad is dead, my mom is absent, Hazel was literally the light at the end of the tunnel for me, and now she's leaving me, just like that. She looks my way and grins wide, leaning over and kissing my cheek quickly

"Thank you for being supportive" she says smiling and I nod as I don't think my voice will sound slightly even if I tried to tell her she's welcome out loud.

We reach my home and I park up behind the RV that I need to remember to give back as it seems Mike will never want to be a band again. I turn off the engine and don't get out right away.

"Don't go," I sigh not looking at her. "I can't do this on my own"

"But you said..." She starts

"I lied. I don't want you to go, I want you here, with me." I admit honestly, dismissing my earlier statement about being happy for her and how we'd figure something out. She leans across the console and kisses me, crushing her lips against mine almost agonisingly. When she pulls away I'm breathless. She grins and gets out of the car quickly, I scramble out after her, I slam the drivers side door and look around, she's standing at the the other side of the car with her arms out at either side, turning in circles and a huge smile on her face. I laugh and run around the car, just as I'm about to reach her, she sees me and screams and runs away from me, giggling as she does, I quickly run after her, chasing her under the stars.

I grab her around the waist and spin her around, her feet off of the floor and she squeals.

"Put me down you jerk" she giggles and I slam my lips against hers just to shut her up. The kiss last a while and I slowly let her body slide down mine and let her feet contact the floor again as our lips pull away from each other.

"Come on" I beam and grab her hand, heading towards the RV. She giggles and follows me. The door of the RV is already open which I find really strange, I'm about to walk up the three steps but I hear voices:

"No, we can't tell him..."

"We have to, he'll find out one day anyway" I swear the voices belongs to Mike and some female but they're talking rather quietly I can't know for sure. I turn to Hazel to see if she heard it too, she shrugs as if to say she doesn't know whats going on and I put my fingers to my lips and she nods.

"I just don't feel right keeping this from him." The female voice says

"You both kept the fact he was dying from me so why not?" Mike sounds a little irritated and I suddenly realize he's talking to mom, all thoughts aside I'm about to head up the stairs and greet her, I've missed her so much.

"I know but how can I tell my son I turned off his fathers life machine, he'd never ever forgive me" I stopped on the first step, my heart slamming into my rib cage. They turned off his life support machine? Without telling me. He could have been alive a little longer, I could have gotten to say goodbye. Hazel touches my shoulder, she must have heard, I shrug her off and head up the stairs, angry and hurt.

"Get out" I say as calmly as I can, which isn't very calmly at all. My mom looks up her face gone from rosy pink and healthy to a deathly pale colour, Mike's jaw drops too.

"Vic, dear! Lovely to see you" my mother rises to her feet nervously and is about to head over to me.

"No" I say but it comes out choked and wrong. "Don't come any closer to me." I take a step back and almost bump into Hazel, she once again puts a hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down.

"Vic man, what's your problem?" Mike stands up, ready to defend his precious mother.

"Its been a long day. He's just exhausted, come on Vic, let's go get you some rest." Hazel says taking hold of my biceps and trying to guide me past them and to the bunks so I can sleep. I shrug her off.

"Oh you're actually sober today, Mike?" I say spitefully knowing full well Mom doesn't know about his delightful relationship with alcohol lately.

"Vic don't!" Mike warns, his eyes cold and his jaw tense.

"I didn't get to say goodbye to him, you fucking took that away from me!" I yell getting more angry and upset by the second

"Language!" My mom yells "Vic, we never meant to hurt you!" She says sadly, I throw my hands over each side of my head and shake it violently

"I need to get out of here, I need to get out of here" I mumble over and over

"Vic, listen to me, we're going to go away, you're going to calm down and we're going to come back okay?" Hazel speaks calmly and close to me, trying to soothe me, I nod slowly and she takes me by the hand

"I fucking hate you" I whisper to Mike and my Mom before turning and following Hazel. The night air seems to have grown cold since we were last out here only moments ago, or maybe the chill was just something internal, something inside me that probably would never go away. I should be hot, I should be boiling, because it felt like Hell was inside me. Hazel opens the drivers side door and I shake my head

"No, I want to drive" I say, trying to calm down, she scoffs

"No Vic, you're not thinking clearly" she replies

"Just let me drive goddammit!" I shout losing my patience. Her eyes go wide and she nods

"Uh, o-okay" she stammers and walks round the car and hands me the keys before quickly sliding in the passengers side.

"I'm sorry, Hazel" I sigh once I'm seated comfortably in the drivers seat

"It's fine" she replies with a fake smile but her voice cracks and I feel so guilty. I'm about to tell her it's not okay and that she shouldn't forgive me but I see Mike heading towards the car. Something snaps inside of me, I'm blinded by rage, all I see is red, I quickly thrust the key into the ignition and turn the engine on, my heart pounding in my chest I slam on the gas and cut the wheel left, the front lights shine in his eyes as they go wide and his jaw drops, he holds his arms out, pleading for me to stop, I don't. The car gets closer and closer and I feel my sanity slipping away until SLAM I run right over him.

"Vic, what the fuck?!" Hazel screams, mortified, I quickly lock the doors so she can't get out. I keep my foot on the gas, zooming down the street at top speed, my breathing picks up and before I know it adrenaline is making me pant. It feels good to feel something for a change, to be able to actually feel my heart beat in my chest, to feel the blood pumping through my veins, just to feel in general. I begin to smile.

"Come on Vic, pull over y-y-your not thinking s-straight" Hazel stutters, tripping over her tongue, her hands are gripped to both side of the chair she's seated on, like she's holding on for dear life. I took deep breaths but didn't slow down.

"No, no, no!" I scream, tears falling down my face even though I don't remember feeling to need to cry. "I can't lose you, Hazel! I can't lose another person" I shout, unsure of why I'm shouting but I shout anyway. "I can't fucking lose you" I repeat wiping at my eyes with my hands, momentarily taking my hands off of the steering wheel.

"O-okay Vi-ic, I'll stay just take us home okay" she sounds as scared as I do hurt, I shake my head violently, sniffing a few times.

"No no no no no no no!" I yell. I feel everything slip away, all of a sudden I know exactly what it is I want. The bridge, jumping, falling, the water. I need it, want it, have to do it. I head towards the bridge, remembering it's location from earlier today. I put my head against the steering wheel, the tears falling more and more, I can't control myself, I can't control my thoughts or actions, I need out, I want out.

"Vic, put your head up" Hazel pleads. I do as she asks but I see the bridge some distance away, a smile sneaks up on my face and I know exactly what I have to do, not jump, drive. I judged the distance with the little Science I know and guessed it was about two hundred yards ahead of us, so in about one hundred and twenty five yards all I had to do was cut the wheel right and we'd crash into the barrier and fly straight through it. Just like Hazel's parents did.

-Hazel's POV-

My heart is pounding in my chest, Vic's expression remains the same, an evil grin spread upon his face while tears stream down it, I'd pleaded, I'd begged but I'd completely lost him, all of him that was good and pure is now locked up way way way deep down inside that body of his and what replaced him was a monster I didn't know or recognize. I look around for something to do, hoping an idea will spark in my head and I'll know the right thing to do or say that will make him pull over.

I don't think of anything.

I begin to notice the direction he is driving in is towards the bridge we were at earlier. The bridge my parents died on, the bridge I'd killed them on. My heart drops, I want to ask him what's going on, why he's driving towards the bridge, but the closer we get the more his grin spreads.

All of a sudden he closes his eyes and I begin to panic.


-Vic's POV-

We are a a hundred yards away now and I close my eyes tightly, pushing the gas pedal down as far as it will go. My heart pounds, my mouth salivates, the adrenaline pumps harder and faster the further we get. I'm counting the yards in my head, eighty yards to go, seventy five yards, seventy yards.

I cut the wheel to the right without opening my eyes, I hear Hazel scream piercingly and everything feelings like it slows to an ultimate stop. Until - my body slams against the steering wheel and the front of the car caves in, the windshield smashes, there's glass everywhere.

The screaming stops.

I don't open my eyes so I don't know if she's dead or not. It feels like flying, the car moves slowly through the air and because of all the adrenaline, I'm unafraid. For once in my miserable fucking life I don't care and I'm not scared. I take a breath real slow and gravity yanks on the car and we begin to plummet through the air, just like Hazel's sunglasses did when I took them from her face and threw them over the ledge. My stomach does that little dance it does when you're on a rollercoaster of some sort and there's a big drop. I laugh. I actually laugh. Long and hard, like I'm having the best day of my life.

A huge splashing sound signals we've hit water and my theory is confirmed by the engulf of water that enters the car. Hazel is silent. I'm soaking wet, everything hurts physically but mentally I feel free, I smile further, my eyes still glued shut. My clothes stick to my body and the heaviness of my skinny jeans weighs me down, a mouthful of water gushes into my mouth and I choke, my limbs feel like they're on fire and I'm coughing and spluttering desperate for oxygen. I don't want to think about the bad things, or the good things. I just don't want to think at all, the water level in the car is just almost full, I put my head up to the roof and gasp for air. Cramp takes me down and I'm losing my grip on the world, I'm going down slowly and as I take my last gasp of air I plummet down, I don't struggle or panic because I know that it's over and nothing I do can change that, so I welcome it as I become the water, another dead body in the harsh waves and it's all OK, for once, everything is OK.

Notes

DUN DUN DUN.

Someday I'll drive, close both my eyes.
We'll swim in circles in the blue lights.
And I just want to fade away into the sky under the sea.
A million kissed underwater as we walk into the ocean.














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