Are We Losing, or Beginning?
Chapter 2
Pain. Pain. Pain.
I would rather be dead than feel this pain.
“You almost died,” a voice next to me spoke. I turned my head, wide-eyed, staring at the nurse sitting by my side. I didn't realize that I had said that out loud. Oops.
“W-What happened?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“You were in a car crash,” she said severely. I continued to stare at her like she had three heads.
“Car crash? No, I wasn’t!” I said, my mind not believing her words. My body, however, believed her; certainly, a car crash could explain the pain I was in. “But I was…” I started to whine, but my voice trailed off with realization. I closed my eyes for a moment, and I saw the bright lights of the car. I clenched them shut tighter, but I saw my world turn upside down, and then right side up, and then upside down again and again and again…
“Mother fucker,” I grumbled. I looked at the nurse apologetically for my offensive language, but, hey, how else was I supposed to let out how I felt? Here I was, trapped in hurt, stuck in this stupid hospital, wearing this stupid hospital gown, when I could be out and— “Mother fucker!” I yelled this time, realizing where I could be.
The concert. I remembered now; I was on my way to the concert.
Like everything else in my life, when something good was about to happen, something bad ruined it. “Damn it!” I growled in frustration. I wanted to kick and scream curses, but the nurse stared at me in alarm, horrified with my language.
I sighed in submission, slightly rolling my eyes, and then I crossed my arms in front of my chest in a pout.
“The reason why I’m here is so I can have your parents contact information,” she said sourly.
Ugh, my parents. They were going to panic, become mushy and gushy, and never let me leave the house again.
“Uh, I forget their number,” I mumbled. The nurse glared at me.
“Nice try,” she said, giving me a “look”.
I sighed again, reporting back to the nurse my full name and my parents’ contact information.
Without another word, she stepped out of the room, and I immediately felt myself grow heavy from drugs.
~~
I partially opened my left eye, peeking to see what was around me. I closed it quickly when I saw my mom staring at me. I think she saw me, though.
“Oh! Savannah!” my mom cried. She sounded genuinely upset, so I felt sorry for her. I felt more sorry for myself, though; I wondered if that made me a selfish brat.
“Hi,” I croaked. I wasn’t in much pain anymore. Drugs did magical things.
“Hi, baby,” she smoothed out my hair, and I immediately felt warm. I never liked it when my mom cried; it made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t emotionless, but when she cried over things I normally would turn all bitchy and closed-off.
Alright, maybe that made me emotionless. Or a bitch. Or both.
It wasn’t that I didn’t feel bad for her, I just didn’t know how to deal with feelings, I guess.
“I’m okay, mom,” I smiled weakly. “I’m sorry,” I frowned.
“You should be more careful next time,” she said in between sobs. I didn’t get why she was still crying—I was here, I was fine. If anything, I should be the one crying; I missed the concert of a lifetime.
Maybe that was superficial, but music saved my life. Until it almost killed you, a voice in my head chimed in.
“It wasn’t my fault!” I said loudly at both my mother and the voice in my head.
A small part of me did wonder, though, if the crash happened because I was too distracted with my music…
“You’re right, sweetie. It was a drunk driver,” she nodded. That strangely made me feel less guilty.
“Oh, okay,” I said. “What time is it?”
“It’s just past eleven,” she said.
“Damn,” I cursed under my breath. “I missed the concert,” I sighed.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she frowned sympathetically, but that was it. I guess there was nothing to do.
“Where’s dad?” I asked.
“Work call,” she said. Of course, work. My bad, I didn’t mean to interrupt your work, Dad, I thought bitterly to myself. It wasn’t that I cared, though; I always counted down the seconds for him to leave on a work trip.
I returned back to my pouting position, greatly disturbed at myself for letting this occur. Of all people, this happened to me? Why does everything bad happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?
I felt an involuntary tear slip from my eye. I hated this. I hated how you couldn’t just click a button to stop everything. I wished I could rewind, start over, go back in time… I was so devastated it hurt more than my actually physical injuries.
“You’ll get over it, baby,” my mother said sweetly. No, I wont, I thought to myself. I wouldn’t get over it because my mind likes to do this thing where it gets stuck on one thing, replaying it over and over until I couldn’t focus on anything else. I have issues letting go, I guess.
Suddenly my dad poked his head into the room. “Hey, sweetheart, I’m glad you’re okay,” he smiled genuinely at me. It was times like these where I did love my parents. I guess bad things bring the best out of people. Hmph.
“Savannah, you have visitors,” he added. I studied his face carefully; it was neither happy nor sad. Just neutral.
“Seriously?” I asked, slightly annoyed. Why would my parents call my friends now? It was nearing midnight, and I would see them soon enough.
“Yes, seriously,” a voice that I didn’t recognize, but also really recognized answered.
I looked up, and my breathing hitched.
Four strikingly handsome boys stood in my doorway with balloons and stuffed animals, and smiles stretched across their faces.
Fuck you, mind, I grumbled at my brain. Why did it always have to make me dream such wonderful things? When I opened my eyes, they would be gone, and disappointment would overwhelm me, like always.
I closed my eyes for four seconds, and then I opened them again.
But they were still there, looking rather… sweaty… but also very, very real.
Notes
Merp, another really short update! Sorry! I have to get into this **sighs**
Don't forget to comment/rate/subscribe! :)
This is definitely not my best, though (wah)
(Don't mind me, I was feeling bipolar with Savannah's character image, so i changed it lol)
Update ! It's so good I can't wait
7/29/15