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Mibba

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Who Are You?

V.

One Week Later

I lay in bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling as I thought about Savannah. I couldn’t stop but wonder where she was at and how she was doing. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and I couldn’t ignore how much I was missing her. Even though she was only here for a couple days I felt empty with her not here anymore. Every time I woke up I expect to see her sitting on the chair in the corner of the room and see her smile as she tells me good morning. I miss the shock I got each time she touched me and those stormy blue grey eyes she had. I never thought I would feel like this but seeing her body back at the hospital made this all too real for me and I couldn’t ignore it no matter how much I knew I should.

I let out a sigh as I rolled out of bed and stop as I catch sight of Savannah’s notebook sitting on top of the chair in my room. I pick up the notebook and walk on out to the living room where I hear Mike playing one of his video games. I make my way to the couch but decide on the dining table instead so Mike wouldn’t question the notebook.

I pull the tie holding the notebook and watch it open up to one of her entries dated a few weeks before her crash. I let out a deep breath and start reading her handwriting.

’ I miss you so much baby. I know I didn’t get the chance to know you for long but I miss feeling you move around in my belly. We weren’t expecting you but as soon as we found out we couldn’t be happier and so in love with the idea of having you here as the start of our little family. We were only a few weeks away from finding out if you were a little boy or a girl; I was hoping for a girl and of course your dad wanted you to be a boy but no matter what we knew we would love you just the same. I knew something was wrong when you stopped moving around when you heard your dad’s voice like you usually did and I felt my heart drop. I didn’t want to believe it even after the doctor told us that we had lost you and a part of me still hopes for some miracle. I will always love you little baby and you will always hold a place in our hearts. I know you’re up there looking down at me as I write this and as I clutch on to your little monkey blanket. The funny thing is that I can never let that blanket go; it’s the only thing that helps me lately. It’s just been so hard. After losing you I thought somehow things would get better but I feel like I’m losing your dad as well and I don’t want that to happen. I love him so much but I fear that he might not feel the same anymore. I’ve seen the difference in our relationship as the months have passed but I have hope that things will get better.’


I rub my eyes as I feel the unexpected tears fill up my eyes. As I read the entry over and over I can’t help but feel the pain she was going through and how much she truly loved this guy. It kills me inside as I see her fighting for this and hoping that things would get better but she never got the chance to see if it actually would. I rub my eyes again and notice something small catch my eye. I bring my hands away from my face and stare ahead at what I thought I just saw but I can’t seem to find it. I fiddle with my fingers as I look back down at the notebook and that’s when I see it again. I stare at the black smudge on my finger and start scratching it with my fingernail but it wouldn’t budge. I move my middle finger down to down to get a better look at that’s when I see the scripture on the side of my ring finger. I stare at the finger in astonishment knowing that I was seeing things at this point.

Forever and a day’ the words nearly pop out at me as I look at it.
“When did I get a tattoo?” I ask Mike.

“Tattoo? You don’t have any tattoos.” He says proving to me that I was seeing things. But as I sit there and stare at my hand I can’t help but let all the thoughts of Savi rush my mind. I let my mind wander as it rushes through the memories from the conversation I had with Brandon and Jocelyn, seeing Savi’s tattoo, feeling Savi’s body turn warm in my arms as we hugged and the room in the hall. I stop these thoughts and focus on the last one. That room! As I continued to think about it further I kept feeling something push me in the direction of the door to find out what was on the other side.

Before I could get a second thought I make my way to the garage and grab the hammer as soon as I find it and go back inside. I take one quick peek at Mike in the living room as he continues his game and start hitting the space besides the door knob.
“Whoa, whoa! Vic what are you doing?” He shouts and runs into the hall as I’m about to swing the hammer for the third time.
“I’m trying to open this door once and for all.”
“What? Why?”
“I just need to.” I say lifting the hammer but he stops me as he holds onto the handle.
“Stop Vic you’re going to break the whole door down.”
“I think that’s the point. Now let me get back to this.” He looks down in thought of something but he doesn’t let go. “What’s in there?” Mike quickly looks up at me as he tries to cover the shock in his eyes and let’s go.
“Nothing just let it go.” I bring the hammer back down and look at Mike for a second as he tries to avoid eye contact.
“Are you hiding something?”
“Vic please just stop.” He says as he takes hold of the hammer again and tries to take it away from my hands but the more I hear him and the more I see his expression keeps telling me that there is something inside that Mike does not want me to see, that most likely I need to see. I pull the hammer away from his hands and move him aside with my back and hit the door a couple more times, not stopping as much as Mike tried. I see the hole in the door and put my hand inside to reach for the lock. I see the disappointment in Mike’s eyes as I unlock the door and notice the handle to be loose now.
“Vic please don’t go in there.” He says but it was too late, I was already inside.

I stare at the wall in front of me and feel my knees go weak as the contents in front of me start to sink in. I feel my knees make contact with the carpet as my heart drops to my stomach and my eyes fill up with tears. I stare at the half decorated baby room and pick up the first thing I see beside me. I feel the texture of the blanket in my hands and see the little monkeys all around it, knowing that this was the same blanket. I bring the blanket up to my face, letting the sweet perfume that still lingered on it fill my nostrils as I let myself breakdown.

Comments

@neverendinghope
Yay :)
clairephernelia clairephernelia
7/20/13
@clairephernelia
I'm glad you liked it! :) The story is still going to continue
neverendinghope neverendinghope
7/20/13
I loved this. Short & sweet <3
clairephernelia clairephernelia
7/20/13
@neverendinghope
yes yes please!!!!
Seexxiccaan Seexxiccaan
7/20/13
@Seexxiccaan
nope one more chapter but a sequel is in the thought process if you guys want one
neverendinghope neverendinghope
7/20/13