I blinked a few times, making sure what I was seeing was real. I blinked again, but kept my eyes closed for a few seconds before opening them. It was all too real, she was here, and she wasn't leaving. I took a few steps back, just for her to take a few steps forward. And doing that, she closed the door of the laundry room, without touching it of course. I honestly didn't know whether to be scared or happy. It was a weird, eerie feeling seeing her. But I did miss her.. a lot.

"This.. it's not real... you aren't here, I'm going fucking crazy aren't I?" I said, shaking my head. I must be going insane to be seeing shit like this.

"It's real. I'm sorry I haven't visited yet." she whispered. I closed my eyes and began to shiver as the room began to grow cold. The hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. She was here, but why?

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"To help you." she replied, not hesitating at all.

"With what..?"

"Something's wrong, Carlee." she said, her voice becoming very serious.

I furrowed my eyebrows and pinch my arm a bit to make sure this was all real. It was.. it was too real, and now I was scared.

"What..?" I said, my voice shaking in fear.

"Please don't be afraid. I need to help you. Your brother... he's not with me..." she mumbled. "He's very angry...."

I felt my stomach drop a bit as I realized what she meant.. my brother didn't make it to heaven..

"What do you mean he's angry?"

"Remember the incident you had while you were in the bathroom? When you weren't 'yourself' anymore?" she said. Now I was completely terrified, what the fuck was going on?

"Yeah?"

"That was him.. He's mad, and he's mad at you. His spirit is angry, Carlee."

I felt a tear rush down my cheek. What did I do? Oh, wait. You fucking killed him.

"Why is he mad at me..?" I asked. I knew it was a pretty stupid question, but I didn't feel like that could be the reason... or at least I didn't want to believe it.

"For what happened before he died.. I'm not blaming you, Carlee because I know it wasn't you.. There's a lot of things I need to explain to you." she mumbled.

"Well please start?" I said, anxious as fuck.

"It was mainly my fault he took his life, Carlee.. and he was mad. He killed me. As crazy as it sounds, he took over me, he was in control.. he killed me." she started. "Now he wants to get his revenge on you.."

"But.. wasn't the whole thing with Aubrey and Ethan him, too? He was protecting me then! He couldn't want me to die...." I said, choking on a sob. I was so terrified. This can't be real, please tell me I'm dreaming.

"He wasn't protecting you, Carlee.. He won't let anyone hurt you because he wants to be the one to do it. He wants to be the one who causes you pain and eventually.. you'll end up like me."

None of this made any sense, what did I do wrong? I did blame myself for not telling him I loved him enough, but I tried so hard to save him.. why did he want me to die? Why did he hate me so much?

I was about to speak when the laundry room door opened. My grandma vanished and behind her was Vic.

"Shit, you look like you've seen a ghost." he laughed. I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced out a chuckle.

"I'm just a little dizzy.." I lied.

"Well come on, dinner's ready, maybe that'll make you feel better." he smiled.

"Okay.. let's go." I said, walking out the room.

What the fuck am I going to do...?

--

I ate dinner with everyone, trying my absolute best not to think about what I had seen or what my grandma had told me. I didn't want to believe it was real, and maybe it wasn't.. I was praying it wasn't. I was praying to the god I didn't believe existed. If you do exist 'God,' you will help me.

We all gathered around in a circle next to the Christmas tree, and I was feeling a bit better being around all the people I loved. It was me, Vic, Mike, Tony, Jaime. We all got our presents around us and we decided to go in a circle and let each person open one of theirs. When Vic got all the different bags and presents of the gifts I bought him, he gave me a disapproving look.

"Why'd you get me so much?" he pouted.

"Usually people would be happy to get a lot of presents," I laughed. "Honestly Vic, it's all just material stuff. It doesn't matter to me, but I hope you like it. And there's a different gift I'm going to give you later." I smiled.

"She's going to give you the P!" Mike yelled. Despite it being Christmas, he was a bit drunk. My face went red and we all laughed.

"No, that's not it. But maybe that, too. Thanks for reminding me." I smirked. Vic laughed and gave me a kiss.

"Groooossss," he said, pretending to throw up.

"You're the one who brought it up," I laughed.

"Let's start with Carlee." Vic suggested.

"Wow, whatever." Jaime laughed. I giggled a bit and picked up a big square box, it was from Mike.

"Guess what it is." Mike laughed.

"Shit. I don't know. I'm not good at guessing games." I said, tearing it open. It was a huge box of condoms.. variety condoms.

"Mike!" I yelled, laughing uncontrollably. My face went completely red and I gave him a funny look. "Shouldn't you be giving these to Vic?" I laughed.

"Well... actually.." he laughed. Vic's face fell and he picked up a box, around the same size of mine and unwrapped it. Another huge box of condoms. Everyone started laughing and mine and Vic's faces went red.

"You're so weird Mike." I laughed.

"Just don't use them when I'm home okay?" he laughed. I smirked playfully and his eyes went wide. I laughed and we went over to Tony to continue opening gifts. We all opened Mike's gifts.

Tony's was wrapped weirdly, taking the shape of a.. soap bottle? He unwrapped it, revealing a big bottle of lotion. Tony started laughing uncontrollably and we all joined in. Looks like we were all going to be embarrassed tonight.

"Damn!" Jaime laughed. "I need me some of that."

"Open my gift to you Jaime." Mike smirked. Jaime picked it up and tore into it, it was lotion as well. We all laughed and I shook my head.

"Why?" I laughed.

"Hey.. sometimes us guys get kinda lonely. And they don't have girlfriends... so." Mike laughed.

"That's disgusting." I laughed.

"Don't act like you've never done it." they all said at once.

"Girls do it too." Mike smirked.

"Not this girl." I laughed, picking up another gift.

We all opened our gifts, with the exception of my gifts to Mike and Vic, and Vic's gift to me.

"Alright, Mike. Open your gift from Carlee." Tony said. I smirked, knowing Mike would love my gift.

He picked it up and held it in his hands. It wasn't in a box or anything, just wrapped in it's original container...

"Guess what it is," I smiled.

"If it is what I think it is, then I fucking love you." he laughed. Vic, Tony and Jaime all looked at me with confused looks. I just laughed. He unwrapped it and his eyes went wide and looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

"Holy fucking shit!" he yelled. He opened the bag and put it to his nose, taking a big whiff of the contents. Everyone gasped and I just laughed again.

"Look at the crystals.. oh my god." Mike said dramatically. "How the fuck did you get this?!"

"I know a guy." I smirked.

"Well fucking hook me up with your guy cause this is fucking dank!" he yelled. Vic looked at me and gave me a disapproving look.

"Vic don't be mad, I didn't know what else to get him." I laughed. His face remained the same, so I scooted closer to him and gave him a kiss. "Please don't be mad." I smiled. He looked at me and stuck his bottom lip out a little, pouting at me.

"Please." I said, pouting as well.

"Fine. Only cause I love you. Too bad I can't say the same thing for Mike," he laughed.

"Fuck you dude." Mike laughed.

"Open your presents." he smiled, handing me three different gifts. I smiled and unwrapped one. It was a box, obviously containing a necklace. I opened it to reveal the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. It was three diamond birds connected together, it was simple but definitely the most beautiful thing I had seen. He knew the meaning the birds had to me as well, so it meant so much more to me. My heart warmed up and a tear fell from my eye.

"It's perfect." I smiled, a tear falling from my eye. I pulled the necklace I had on off of my neck and turned around so he could put the new one on me. It fell right next to my heart.

"I love it, and I love you." I smiled, giving him a kiss.

"I'm glad you like it."

"I'm sorry my gifts were lame," I said, my face falling a bit. He hadn't opened the thing I made myself yet though, so I was hoping he liked that one.

"Hey, they weren't lame. Thank you for them." he smiled. "Plus you still have one more gift for me. I'm sure that one's special."

"It is." I smiled.

"Open the others now." he smiled. I sniffled and nodded, picking up one of the small boxes. I unwrapped it and took the top off, revealing a tape.

'Carlee and Chandler, tape 1' My face fell, my heart broke, and my stomach dropped. All the bad thoughts came back, every bad feeling I was feeling earlier was back. I turned and ran out of the house, tears pouring from my eyes. I ignored everything the guys were saying and just kept running. I didn't know where I was going, but I definitely couldn't be there. It all just hurt too much..

Notes

Guys, oh my god today started out so fucking shitty and oh my god I'm so happy now :)

I didn't get any sleep last night, I literally stayed up until about 10am and fell asleep for less than 2 hours, and I couldn't fall back to sleep. Then my mom was telling me I couldn't go to the House Party Tour and my friend completely ditched me because I didn't have money, but omfg

I messaged my sister asking how she earned money at my age, and she told me some things and asked why I needed money, and I told her why and she was like "Oh well what concert? and how much are tickets?" and i told her, and she was like "i'll buy your ticket for you!" and i was like OMFGFFGF, I HAVE TO ASK MOM FIRST BUT OMFGFGGFGGGFFFGFGFGFGFGFG I FUCKING LOVE YOU. and then I asked my mom thinking she'd say no, but SHE SAID YES AND IM FUCKING GOING omfg


anyways... rant over? i don't know if thats a rant i just need to let my excitement out a little hehehe

anyways, I hope you guys liked this update. tell me what you think about it! predictions, comments, anything. :) thank you all for your comments and for all your feedback, and for all your guys' suggestions of ways I could earn money, I appreciate it so much! Thank you! ily guys hehe