I think it's safe for me to say I am falling in love with Vic. Love is something I have never felt before, with my parents leaving me at such a young age, my grandparents not giving a damn about me.. my brother taking his own life.. And whenever I did begin to love someone, they'd get ripped away from me. I've become so afraid of my feelings. But Vic makes me unafraid. He makes me feel like I can face anything now. And I can't thank him enough for that. I do love him. I love him so much. There just aren't enough words.

I finished writing and dated the entry in my journal for creative writing. I turned it into the 'no reading' basket. I decided not to let my teacher read it. Not yet at least. Because if she did read it, she'd probably just laugh at me. She wouldn't understand. I went back to my seat and pulled out my other journal with my drawings. I flipped it open so there were two pages showing. The page before the one I am using now is the drawing Vic drew of me. I looked at it and rubbed my fingers down it. I really did love this drawing. Ever since he drew it, I've been doing so much better. I looked like the girl he drew. I loved it.

I found myself drawing a chain breaking apart from a lock. I felt like I was breaking free from everything that was holding me back. I felt Tony's eyes burning into me. I turned to look at him and he just stared at me.

"So.. how's Vic doing?" he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows.

You sit there and stare at me for like five minutes and when I turn to look at you that's all you say?

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him?" I replied, scribbling some words into my drawing.

He nodded and pressed his lips together, turning his gaze away from me. I rolled my eyes a bit and continued drawing.

"So.. how have you been doing?" he asked.

"Good, Tony. Good. What about you?" I asked, uninterested.

I was being a complete bitch, and I knew that. But I was still pissed off for all of the things he did and said to me before. I could've been worse.

"I've been great. Aubrey and I are going out now." he smiled. I felt myself tense up a bit and ended up messing up on my drawing. I felt a sudden rage come over me and I scribbled out the whole drawing. I tore it out of my journal and ripped it up, then threw it away.

"That's nice." I lied. Inside I was dying, hurting, wanting to rip his face off of his skull. I just kept my feelings under control though, I didn't want him to know it bothered me. I mean.. ripping out my drawing and stuff didn't really help, but I had to do something to get some of my anger out. I did regret taking it out on my drawing though. I began drawing it again and it just didn't look the same..

"Yeah. She's actually really nice if you get to know her." he mumbled.

"Oh, I bet." I said, clenching my teeth together. If he said one more thing about her I was going to freak out.

"Yeah, you should really try talking to her. She told me she misses you."

"Yeah, she misses making me fucking miserable." I muttered for him to barely hear.

"No she really misses you." he said. I gave him a look to tell him to shut up, and he definitely got the hint. He took a breath in and looked away from me.

"She's actually being nice. You should probably try it."

I sighed and began to draw a rope.

--

This week has been horrible, Tony has been ditching Jaime and I to hang out with Aubrey at lunch. He would barely talk to us anymore unless we were in music class or when they practiced at Mike and Vic's house. Tony has definitely changed for the worst and it was pretty sad to see him ditching his true friends from Aubrey. Poor kid fell under her spell.. she'd get bored of him soon enough, though.

Today was Friday and Mike, Vic, Jaime and I were all going to go to a party. Tony would probably be there too, but with Aubrey of course.

Vic and I were at my house getting ready. I picked out his clothes and he was going to pick out mine.

"So like, what are we even gonna do at this party?" I asked.

"I don't know. Probably piss everyone off." he laughed. I laughed and sat down at my vanity. I pulled out my makeup bag and Vic was going through my closet picking out some clothes.

"Really though I had no idea you owned any of this stuff." he laughed.

"Yeah I know, I forget myself sometimes." I smiled. I pulled out some natural eyeshadow and applied it to both of my eyes. I pulled out some liquid eyeliner and swiped it onto both of my eyes, adding a wing at the ends. I pulled out my mascara and blinked it on both of my eyes.

I took another look at my makeup, it looked really good. I straightened my hair earlier, and it looked really good as well. It was all perfectly straight. I walked over to see the outfit Vic picked out while he looked for some shoes.

He picked out a black crop top and some high waisted shorts. He also picked out a leaf ring and anchor stud earrings. He walked over and put some white high top converse on my bed next to the outfit.

"So, what do you think?" he smiled.

"I don't know yet. Let me try it on." I laughed. I walked into the bathroom and pulled off my clothes and switched into the ones that Vic picked out for me. I walked out into my room to look at myself in the full body mirror.

"Holy shit, you look amazing." Vic said, dropping his jaw. I stood in front of the mirror and I didn't see amazing.

I saw scars. Cuts. Bare skin that was ripped to shreds. I looked at myself in disgust. Vic walked up behind me and kissed my cheek.

"You look amazing, okay?" he said.

"Vic.. I don't know.." I said, scrunching my nose at my reflection.

"Carlee. You are beautiful. So what, you have scars. It's not a big deal and nobody's going to notice them unless you point them out. You'll be fine, I promise." he said.

I nodded and we got into the car to go to Mike and Vic's house. We were going to meet Mike and Jaime there and then leave for the party.

I'm just hoping that things will go the way we all planned.

Notes

crying because i was listening to bulletproof love and that song is just AHKSGEGE

this is really short i know but just wait ok be patient ily guys

anyways, here's carlee's outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=89411418

enjoyyyyy. more drama coming soon hehe